Lately, I've been struck with how great it is that Jesus cried over the death of Lazarus. The anguish of the death of a friend hurts. Grieving well is a gift. Stiffing grief only causes more pain.
I haven't lost anyone super recently. My adopted grandmother did go to Heaven last year, and that was hard, but we had drifted a bit since I had moved out west. I miss her asking for a half a cup of coffee, or making rice krispies with her, or even sneaking PB cookie dough out of the bowl away from her watchful eye.
The grief the my husband and I are working through is a living breathing and ever changing grief. The grief has to do with our dreams and expectations of the future, as well as some expectations of 'normal' everyday life.
Anxiety and sensory processing disorders have given us the challenge of figuring out how to survive through 24 hour periods with very little left to glance at the next 24. Maintaining the safety of our kids is a challenge in balancing visual schedules, the correct sensory input, and praying for peace to reign. It's exhausting. It's overwhelming. It is refining.
When we first held our precious firstborn in our arms we dreamed what any parent does - that we would play with him, teach him how to ride his bike, have endless play dates, sticky banana kisses, outings to the park or libraries....and so on. And we did. For two years we had a relatively typical first parents experience.
It was during the summer before Buddy turned three that the red flags we had been seeing in his development and play became full out warning bells and sirens. Gone were play dates and outings. Screaming and nightmares and utter chaos became the norm. Violence and meltdowns became common.
With visits to specialists we realized this wasn't 'just' a phase or bad parenting or a sickness that would be cured. Coming away from the first pediatric psychiatrist appointment, we were devastated. Not because Buddy was any different, or that we loved him less, or anything like that. It was a grief stemming from the death of dreams and the what -ifs of uncertainty of the future.
Back to Jesus, before this post becomes too sad. Jesus! He didn't continue to cry and wallow in his grief. Why? He knew what was ahead. He knew that he had the healing touch, or rather the resurrecting touch. He finished grieving, got up, and took action. He had an audience. He did the unthinkable and had the tomb opened. Then, he prayed.
Jesus is a great example for me here. He didn't ignore pain. He didn't stay in pain. He showed the world what is ahead for us - life! Joy! Time with Him!
Back to us and Buddy. It's not the big things that get me down about Buddy's future. I'm sure he'll be fine in the long run - especially with all of the different people God has put in our way to help him out. It's the 'little' things that break my heart for our 5 year old. -things like how he's had to forgo two different amazing field trips this school year because they would have overwhelmed him past recovery, or that having friends over not only takes planning and patience, but days of recovery as well. It's that we've had to postpone memorizing verses from the Bible because he latches on to a word or phrase and repeats it ad nauseum for hours or days on end. It's these little tears at my heart that are breaking it, causing the grief to swell.
I have to admit I don't like it. I hate grieving, but I'm starting to realize the gift that it is. Without proper grieving, I believe we would be stuck in pain so terrible, that we would just give up.
So today, I will have my cry. Tomorrow, though, I will look up and see how God is working.
xo,
J
Soli Deo Gloria
Friday, May 22, 2015
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Chicken with Fresh Herb Ravioli
I waffled a bit before I sat down to write this post. I have been meaning to do a follow up post with a picture tutorial to my last post....instead of just talking about paper making - actually showing you how to do it.
THEN! Mother's Day happened. While that tidbit might not make you understand why I am on a tangent away from paper making, it makes absolute sense with the next sentence. My wonderful husband and kids got me a pot full of fresh herbs to grow in my windowsill. It is a ginormous pot and has sufficient herbs to satisfy my longing for fresh foods! It has sage, parsley, thyme, and oregano. It smells amazing!
SO! Instead of going on and on about my love of paper making, I have decided to share with you what my family ate tonight....and the recipe, so you could eat it too!
We made chicken with fresh herbs ravioli with sage and garlic butter sauce.
First off, we made the pasta dough (all recipes at the end). I let it rest for 20 minutes before getting out the lovely pasta roller. Little Red woke up from her nap at this point, and was in a F.U.N.K. Seriously grumpy child, so I did what any sensible parent would do...got her to help me in the kitchen. Ha. Maybe not super sensible, but for this little munchkin, if her hands are busy, she's usually happy.
She helped turn the crank of the pasta roller, while I fed the machine. S filled up the raviolis with the filling I had made while the pasta dough was resting. We made a great team, the three of us.
Once we finished enough to eat a decent supper, the first batch went into the boiling pot of water, and I started on the butter sauce.
The kids being not as adventurous as us only ate the naked pasta, and boy howdy did they chow down! S and I barely bit into our first one before their plates were licked clean!
So...enough about our experience - here are the recipes for your delicious pleasure!
Ravioli dough:
1.5 lb all purpose flour
2 eggs
about 1.5 tbs of olive oil
water to reach the right consistency
Put your flour in a large bowl (or use an kitchenaid) and make a well in the center. crack the eggs and add the oil to the well. Bring the flour from the edges into the well and start stirring (or use your dough hook on LOW speed). keep mixing, adding a TBS of water at a time until it is smooth and elastic. kneed for a few minutes. Let the dough rest for at least 10 minutes before rolling.
Chicken with fresh herb filling:
6 chicken thighs
2.5 cups shred mozzarella cheese
half handful of parsley
about 6 sprigs of thyme - without the stems
about 7 leaves of rosemary
4-5 sprigs of oregano - again, no stems
1 egg
Boil the chicken until cooked, then shred. While still warm, stir together the cheese. Add the herbs after minced finely. add salt and pepper to taste. Add egg.
Assemble the raviolis! (if you need help with this step, ask in the comments)
Garlic and sage butter sauce
2 heaped tsp garlic
11-12 sage leaves minced
3-4 tbs butter
1-1 1/2 cup of pasta water (water you boiled your pasta in)
melt the butter. Add garlic and sage and cook for a minute or two. Add the water (watch out! it'll bubble) stir and let thicken. Add your boiled raviolis to the sauce and let it cook down while you stir them to keep from sticking - about 5-8 minutes.
and! you are done!
enjoy!
XO,
J
SOLI DEO GLORIA
THEN! Mother's Day happened. While that tidbit might not make you understand why I am on a tangent away from paper making, it makes absolute sense with the next sentence. My wonderful husband and kids got me a pot full of fresh herbs to grow in my windowsill. It is a ginormous pot and has sufficient herbs to satisfy my longing for fresh foods! It has sage, parsley, thyme, and oregano. It smells amazing!
SO! Instead of going on and on about my love of paper making, I have decided to share with you what my family ate tonight....and the recipe, so you could eat it too!
We made chicken with fresh herbs ravioli with sage and garlic butter sauce.
 |
| While it might not look as amazing as it sounds....it was fantastic! |
First off, we made the pasta dough (all recipes at the end). I let it rest for 20 minutes before getting out the lovely pasta roller. Little Red woke up from her nap at this point, and was in a F.U.N.K. Seriously grumpy child, so I did what any sensible parent would do...got her to help me in the kitchen. Ha. Maybe not super sensible, but for this little munchkin, if her hands are busy, she's usually happy.
She helped turn the crank of the pasta roller, while I fed the machine. S filled up the raviolis with the filling I had made while the pasta dough was resting. We made a great team, the three of us.
Once we finished enough to eat a decent supper, the first batch went into the boiling pot of water, and I started on the butter sauce.
The kids being not as adventurous as us only ate the naked pasta, and boy howdy did they chow down! S and I barely bit into our first one before their plates were licked clean!
So...enough about our experience - here are the recipes for your delicious pleasure!
Ravioli dough:
1.5 lb all purpose flour
2 eggs
about 1.5 tbs of olive oil
water to reach the right consistency
Put your flour in a large bowl (or use an kitchenaid) and make a well in the center. crack the eggs and add the oil to the well. Bring the flour from the edges into the well and start stirring (or use your dough hook on LOW speed). keep mixing, adding a TBS of water at a time until it is smooth and elastic. kneed for a few minutes. Let the dough rest for at least 10 minutes before rolling.
Chicken with fresh herb filling:
6 chicken thighs
2.5 cups shred mozzarella cheese
half handful of parsley
about 6 sprigs of thyme - without the stems
about 7 leaves of rosemary
4-5 sprigs of oregano - again, no stems
1 egg
Boil the chicken until cooked, then shred. While still warm, stir together the cheese. Add the herbs after minced finely. add salt and pepper to taste. Add egg.
Assemble the raviolis! (if you need help with this step, ask in the comments)
Garlic and sage butter sauce
2 heaped tsp garlic
11-12 sage leaves minced
3-4 tbs butter
1-1 1/2 cup of pasta water (water you boiled your pasta in)
melt the butter. Add garlic and sage and cook for a minute or two. Add the water (watch out! it'll bubble) stir and let thicken. Add your boiled raviolis to the sauce and let it cook down while you stir them to keep from sticking - about 5-8 minutes.
and! you are done!
enjoy!
XO,
J
SOLI DEO GLORIA
Thursday, April 30, 2015
All Things New
Lately, our house has been chaotic. Some of it is the natural chaos of having 3 kids under 6, but most of it is the unnatural chaos that comes with neurological gaps and high levels of anxiety. When this happens, though, I can't help but start looking at how God is showing up.
Monday we had an appointment not made by us with Buddy's old doctor. She passed him up because she only works with kids under 5. It was a very sad day when we said goodbye to her, as she has been one of the only professionals to see Buddy as he is, instead of the calm facade he puts on especially in doctors' offices. When she heard the report of how he is doing...she took him back. I am in awe of God's grace in this situation. She has also been preemptive and wants to meet with his whole team on order to get everyone, including the school, on the same page. This is unheard of. We are so grateful that God stepped in and is providing amazing care for our incredible son!
In the midst of the chaos I have developed a new hobby. It's mindless enough that once I get going I don't have to think about what I'm doing. It's interesting enough to keep me dreaming and planning. Knitting, or crocheting, you see, needs more of my senses and time where I am kid free - especially the patterns I love to work on. Writing, for me, requires quiet. But! Paper making, my new love, is keeping my hands busy while my eyes and mind can stay on the kids!
It's such a picture to me, too, though of how God works in our lives. The first step of recycling paper into new sheets is selecting the medium. God picks us out of a pile and gets to work on us.Then you break down the paper into smaller pieces. God takes apart our heart and washes us clean.
The next steps are painful, but necessary. The paper mush gets drowned in water then put in a blender of food processor. God puts us in situations to completely break us down to get us ready for the use that is best suited for us. Sometimes, that is completely different from what we were before Jesus, sometimes it's very similar.
After being ground into pulp, the slurry gets dumped into a large vat and more water is poured on it to bring up the water level in order to cover the screen that will be dipped.
Here comes the cool part - the papermaker gets the screen and deckle (the frame that holds the paper pulp to the screen which determines the size of the paper) ready then submerses it in the murky water. Swishing the screen around to get the consistency just right, the paper maker then pulls the screen and deckle out of the water. Now you can either pour off the water, or let it drip through the screen or start the process over again. The paper doesn't always cooperate, and can be holey or to thick or too thin or just not useful for the task it's destined for. Same goes for us, doesn't it? Often times we resist what God is doing because we don't know the end-goal, so back into the bucket we go.
When everything is just right, the screen and deckle come out and get placed on a towel, then the deckle is lifted, revealing a very fragile and new piece of paper. Next, a piece of felt is placed directly on the paper and smooshed to adhere to it to protect it and to help it keep its shape - I feel like this is like other believers that God puts in our path to help shape and direct us in the way He would have us go.
After a second or two, the paper maker flips the whole thing over and starts to press all of the water out of the soaked paper. It takes a lot of pressure and many different sponges to get all of the water out. After enough water is pressed, the screen is taken away. Now the paper only has one more step before it can be used - drying.
Drying can take what seems like forever. There are things you can do to speed up the process, like using a dehydrator, or a fan, or even the oven, but left on its own, the paper can take days, or even a full week to dry.
After the 'forever' of waiting, the paper is ready. It's such a parallel process, isn't it? I'm so glad God takes the old and makes us new!
How have you seen God lately?
xo,
J
Soli Deo Gloria!
Monday we had an appointment not made by us with Buddy's old doctor. She passed him up because she only works with kids under 5. It was a very sad day when we said goodbye to her, as she has been one of the only professionals to see Buddy as he is, instead of the calm facade he puts on especially in doctors' offices. When she heard the report of how he is doing...she took him back. I am in awe of God's grace in this situation. She has also been preemptive and wants to meet with his whole team on order to get everyone, including the school, on the same page. This is unheard of. We are so grateful that God stepped in and is providing amazing care for our incredible son!
In the midst of the chaos I have developed a new hobby. It's mindless enough that once I get going I don't have to think about what I'm doing. It's interesting enough to keep me dreaming and planning. Knitting, or crocheting, you see, needs more of my senses and time where I am kid free - especially the patterns I love to work on. Writing, for me, requires quiet. But! Paper making, my new love, is keeping my hands busy while my eyes and mind can stay on the kids!
It's such a picture to me, too, though of how God works in our lives. The first step of recycling paper into new sheets is selecting the medium. God picks us out of a pile and gets to work on us.Then you break down the paper into smaller pieces. God takes apart our heart and washes us clean.
The next steps are painful, but necessary. The paper mush gets drowned in water then put in a blender of food processor. God puts us in situations to completely break us down to get us ready for the use that is best suited for us. Sometimes, that is completely different from what we were before Jesus, sometimes it's very similar.
After being ground into pulp, the slurry gets dumped into a large vat and more water is poured on it to bring up the water level in order to cover the screen that will be dipped.
Here comes the cool part - the papermaker gets the screen and deckle (the frame that holds the paper pulp to the screen which determines the size of the paper) ready then submerses it in the murky water. Swishing the screen around to get the consistency just right, the paper maker then pulls the screen and deckle out of the water. Now you can either pour off the water, or let it drip through the screen or start the process over again. The paper doesn't always cooperate, and can be holey or to thick or too thin or just not useful for the task it's destined for. Same goes for us, doesn't it? Often times we resist what God is doing because we don't know the end-goal, so back into the bucket we go.
When everything is just right, the screen and deckle come out and get placed on a towel, then the deckle is lifted, revealing a very fragile and new piece of paper. Next, a piece of felt is placed directly on the paper and smooshed to adhere to it to protect it and to help it keep its shape - I feel like this is like other believers that God puts in our path to help shape and direct us in the way He would have us go.
After a second or two, the paper maker flips the whole thing over and starts to press all of the water out of the soaked paper. It takes a lot of pressure and many different sponges to get all of the water out. After enough water is pressed, the screen is taken away. Now the paper only has one more step before it can be used - drying.
Drying can take what seems like forever. There are things you can do to speed up the process, like using a dehydrator, or a fan, or even the oven, but left on its own, the paper can take days, or even a full week to dry.
After the 'forever' of waiting, the paper is ready. It's such a parallel process, isn't it? I'm so glad God takes the old and makes us new!
How have you seen God lately?
xo,
J
Soli Deo Gloria!
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Earth Day and Stewardship
It's been a while, hasn't it? My life has been UP...and DOOOOOOWN lately. So much chaos, so many different things that have kept our entire family crazy!
BUT! I've been able to keep up with my resolutions - the ones of reading 52 books this year and memorizing the book of James. While I'm WAY ahead in the book department (32 of 52 complete!...will post a list soon) I'm still in the first 20 verses of James. It's SO slow going, but I've found an app that is really helping me! Hooray!
The book I am currently reading is called Follow by Floyd McClung. It is so good. It's also one of those ones that hits you in the stomach because it has so much in it that is convicting. Yesterday's chapter was on faithfulness, and this is where this post has sprung from.
Lately, God has been working on my heart in stewardship and being faithful in the small things. I've told you before how hard I find it to do housework or things like that - and in my life, those are the small things. I can get SO caught up in big projects or dreams, that I completely lose sight of my own house.
Being faithful and diligent in keeping my house clean and my clothes laundered enables me to have people over without having the giant RUSH to clean up right before the doorbell rings. It also cuts down on fights with the kids because they know where their toys or water bottles are. Overall, it promotes peace.
Being faithful in praying for people I've said I would has really been cool, too. I've been starting to write down requests and keep track of the answers. God is so cool. Even with our 'pithy' requests, God is kind. I've also seen bigger things get put into motion. Certain people have made godly decisions, others have started reading their Bibles more, and even my kids are excited about praying.
Being faithful in the small things really prepares you for the big things of the world. This is where I can tie this in to Earth Day. Think about it - if we took the time to recycle and reuse what we have our own environmental impact would diminish. This includes meal planning to eliminate (or at least cut down on) food waste, patching clothes, or grouping errands to save fuel.
Being faithful overall is tough. I cannot do it on my own - it is part of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. I am so grateful that He is involved, or else I would be entirely overwhelmed and a failure.
How have you been challenged lately? With what do you need to be faithful?
XO,
J
Soli Deo Gloria
BUT! I've been able to keep up with my resolutions - the ones of reading 52 books this year and memorizing the book of James. While I'm WAY ahead in the book department (32 of 52 complete!...will post a list soon) I'm still in the first 20 verses of James. It's SO slow going, but I've found an app that is really helping me! Hooray!
The book I am currently reading is called Follow by Floyd McClung. It is so good. It's also one of those ones that hits you in the stomach because it has so much in it that is convicting. Yesterday's chapter was on faithfulness, and this is where this post has sprung from.
Lately, God has been working on my heart in stewardship and being faithful in the small things. I've told you before how hard I find it to do housework or things like that - and in my life, those are the small things. I can get SO caught up in big projects or dreams, that I completely lose sight of my own house.
Being faithful and diligent in keeping my house clean and my clothes laundered enables me to have people over without having the giant RUSH to clean up right before the doorbell rings. It also cuts down on fights with the kids because they know where their toys or water bottles are. Overall, it promotes peace.
Being faithful in praying for people I've said I would has really been cool, too. I've been starting to write down requests and keep track of the answers. God is so cool. Even with our 'pithy' requests, God is kind. I've also seen bigger things get put into motion. Certain people have made godly decisions, others have started reading their Bibles more, and even my kids are excited about praying.
Being faithful in the small things really prepares you for the big things of the world. This is where I can tie this in to Earth Day. Think about it - if we took the time to recycle and reuse what we have our own environmental impact would diminish. This includes meal planning to eliminate (or at least cut down on) food waste, patching clothes, or grouping errands to save fuel.
Being faithful overall is tough. I cannot do it on my own - it is part of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. I am so grateful that He is involved, or else I would be entirely overwhelmed and a failure.
How have you been challenged lately? With what do you need to be faithful?
XO,
J
Soli Deo Gloria
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
In Pain and Beauty
This post has been rolling around in my head for quite some time, so if it seems jumbled, let's just go with it got taken out of the dryer at the wrong time.
There are so many examples of what I want to try and say that I feel silly rehashing it. But....let me try to rehash it in a way that is personal to me.
In brokenness there can be a beauty that does not compare to anything else. That beauty also caters to the soul, not just the flesh.
On the worst days at my house, the ones I'm covered in puke or have been punched or bitten, I try to surround myself with beauty to try and take the sting out of the day. While it isn't the brokenness that causes the beauty, it's the juxtaposition that creates a heightened meaning. For instance, when one of us wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, I reach for my most beautiful mug: a china mug with gorgeous roses. While it doesn't chase the grumpies away, it does bolster resilience for a few hours.
I just finished a book called The Elegance of a Hedgehog. While it's main theme is not about what I'm talking about - it does touch on it. It was a beautiful book that fed my soul while chaos surrounded me. I suggest you look it up and dig in to it. Not only is the language stellar the whole book just made me smile and laugh out loud. (especially when she finally visits her neighbor!)
One of my favourite examples of brokenness causing beauty is found during the death of Christ. Since we just passed Easter, I thought it fitting to highlight it for you today. In the temple, separating the world from the Holy of Holies - the place where man would go to meet with God at the mercy seat to offer a blood sacrifice - there was a curtain. It wasn't just your average run of the mill curtain that could be pushed away. It was thick. It was HEAVY. It was HUGE - I'm talking 60 feet by 30 feet, not to mention it was about 4 inches thick. ....Now THAT is a curtain. It was also beautiful. It was woven in scarlet and blue by people who were specifically gifted to do so.
Thing is, it was 'just' beautiful. The thing that makes it heart-achingly, astoundingly glorious is that it was ripped from top to bottom. In and of itself, a ripped curtain would not be lovely, it would be broken, but that brokenness is infused with symbolism and meaning. That stunning tear signified the lack of barrier between God and man. The death coinciding with that rip opened the way for Man to come before God without the ritual sacrifice, but instead, covered in the blood of the Lamb.
That broken veil is beautiful - more so than when it was whole. It offers us the chance to not just survive, but live.
What beauty in brokenness have you seen?
XO,
J
Soli Deo Gloria
There are so many examples of what I want to try and say that I feel silly rehashing it. But....let me try to rehash it in a way that is personal to me.
In brokenness there can be a beauty that does not compare to anything else. That beauty also caters to the soul, not just the flesh.
On the worst days at my house, the ones I'm covered in puke or have been punched or bitten, I try to surround myself with beauty to try and take the sting out of the day. While it isn't the brokenness that causes the beauty, it's the juxtaposition that creates a heightened meaning. For instance, when one of us wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, I reach for my most beautiful mug: a china mug with gorgeous roses. While it doesn't chase the grumpies away, it does bolster resilience for a few hours.
I just finished a book called The Elegance of a Hedgehog. While it's main theme is not about what I'm talking about - it does touch on it. It was a beautiful book that fed my soul while chaos surrounded me. I suggest you look it up and dig in to it. Not only is the language stellar the whole book just made me smile and laugh out loud. (especially when she finally visits her neighbor!)
One of my favourite examples of brokenness causing beauty is found during the death of Christ. Since we just passed Easter, I thought it fitting to highlight it for you today. In the temple, separating the world from the Holy of Holies - the place where man would go to meet with God at the mercy seat to offer a blood sacrifice - there was a curtain. It wasn't just your average run of the mill curtain that could be pushed away. It was thick. It was HEAVY. It was HUGE - I'm talking 60 feet by 30 feet, not to mention it was about 4 inches thick. ....Now THAT is a curtain. It was also beautiful. It was woven in scarlet and blue by people who were specifically gifted to do so.
Thing is, it was 'just' beautiful. The thing that makes it heart-achingly, astoundingly glorious is that it was ripped from top to bottom. In and of itself, a ripped curtain would not be lovely, it would be broken, but that brokenness is infused with symbolism and meaning. That stunning tear signified the lack of barrier between God and man. The death coinciding with that rip opened the way for Man to come before God without the ritual sacrifice, but instead, covered in the blood of the Lamb.
That broken veil is beautiful - more so than when it was whole. It offers us the chance to not just survive, but live.
What beauty in brokenness have you seen?
XO,
J
Soli Deo Gloria
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Being Rooted
A few things have lead me to this post today. Mostly, it's been my daily devotions coupled with life happenings.
Persistent sin sucks. You can let it define you and drag you through the mire, or you can confess it and let Jesus lift you over that same mire. The thing is, many people think confessing is the last step. It really is not. It might not be the first step either. My point is that it is a STEP in the right direction.
Repenting is a HUGE step that, I feel, gets glossed over. 'We fall into the trap of thinking 'But I already admitted I was guilty...do I really have to change?' The answer is YES! A resounding YES! BUT! We must be rooted in God before that change can occur.
If we just change directions it is likely that direction, while maybe better, isn't the right one. Without reading God's directions, talking to wise godly people who have been in your place before, or even praying, you might as well be a sailing ship without a compass on a cloudy night.
For me, often, I make good changes, but neglect to get to the root of the sin. Like raspberry vines, even though I cut down the visible bush, the untouched root system will spring up alive and well and produce its fruit.
Sometimes we have to go through a really ugly uprooting phase in order to oust the sin completely. Digging up an entire line of roots doesn't sound fun, does it? And that's why, I'm afraid, the majority of us 'conquer' the same sin time and again. We rarely get down to the nitty gritty. We are afraid of the open, vulnerable hole that will be left. We are unsure of what will be planted in its place.
Here's what we can do instead of worrying: fertilize the soil. Rid it completely of weeds. Search out anything that might hinder good fruit and GET RID OF IT! Build a fence. Ask others to help set up a guard around that fence. and so on the list can go.
Let the Holy Spirit plant His fruit. Watch it grow. Let Him prune you into a lovely garden that others are drawn to because of HIS handiwork! Remember, though to be firmly rooted in Him and His Word.
What are you growing in the garden of your life?
XO,
J
Soli Deo Gloria
Persistent sin sucks. You can let it define you and drag you through the mire, or you can confess it and let Jesus lift you over that same mire. The thing is, many people think confessing is the last step. It really is not. It might not be the first step either. My point is that it is a STEP in the right direction.
Repenting is a HUGE step that, I feel, gets glossed over. 'We fall into the trap of thinking 'But I already admitted I was guilty...do I really have to change?' The answer is YES! A resounding YES! BUT! We must be rooted in God before that change can occur.
If we just change directions it is likely that direction, while maybe better, isn't the right one. Without reading God's directions, talking to wise godly people who have been in your place before, or even praying, you might as well be a sailing ship without a compass on a cloudy night.
For me, often, I make good changes, but neglect to get to the root of the sin. Like raspberry vines, even though I cut down the visible bush, the untouched root system will spring up alive and well and produce its fruit.
Sometimes we have to go through a really ugly uprooting phase in order to oust the sin completely. Digging up an entire line of roots doesn't sound fun, does it? And that's why, I'm afraid, the majority of us 'conquer' the same sin time and again. We rarely get down to the nitty gritty. We are afraid of the open, vulnerable hole that will be left. We are unsure of what will be planted in its place.
Here's what we can do instead of worrying: fertilize the soil. Rid it completely of weeds. Search out anything that might hinder good fruit and GET RID OF IT! Build a fence. Ask others to help set up a guard around that fence. and so on the list can go.
Let the Holy Spirit plant His fruit. Watch it grow. Let Him prune you into a lovely garden that others are drawn to because of HIS handiwork! Remember, though to be firmly rooted in Him and His Word.
What are you growing in the garden of your life?
XO,
J
Soli Deo Gloria
Monday, March 2, 2015
Trusting When in a High and Stormy Gale
Lately, music and lyrics of different songs have really been hitting me at a soul level. There is a common theme through all of them : Trusting in a God who is bigger than our circumstance/pain/world/fear/everything.
Even right now, going through my head is On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand:
When Darkness veils his lovely face
I Trust in his unfailing Grace
In every high and stormy gale
my anchor holds within the veil
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand
...That verse especially encapsulates what I've been feeling. I don't understand what's been going on, the darkness has been hiding or at least obscuring God's goodness, but I don't need to fear because I can trust in His UNFAILING grace.
JJ Heller has a song called Who You are the chorus goes like this:
Sometimes I don't know, I don't know what you're doing
I don't know, I don't know what you're doing,
BUT! I know who You are.
Even right now, going through my head is On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand:
When Darkness veils his lovely face
I Trust in his unfailing Grace
In every high and stormy gale
my anchor holds within the veil
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand
...That verse especially encapsulates what I've been feeling. I don't understand what's been going on, the darkness has been hiding or at least obscuring God's goodness, but I don't need to fear because I can trust in His UNFAILING grace.
JJ Heller has a song called Who You are the chorus goes like this:
Sometimes I don't know, I don't know what you're doing
I don't know, I don't know what you're doing,
BUT! I know who You are.
THAT is it! That is the theme of these songs, I really have no idea WHY God is giving us the life He is, but I know WHO He is.
He who put the stars in
place pours out wrath on those who do not turn from sin.
He who so loved the world
sent the LION of Judah.
His love is magnificent, so
wholly terrifying we fall on our faces from the sheer pureness of it,
and we use the word 'love' so flippantly and in such a way it
demeans, degrades and defiles. God is love and we have only a small
glimpse, through a dark glass of what love really means.
I believe in God. I believe
He is powerful enough to bring us into situations like Jonah -where
we have absolutely no inclination towards the people He loves. We
don't understand his fierce and earnest desire for those we have
deemed unreachable or tainted. We run from His commands to what we
believe will be easier and find ourselves in a pit. A stinky, bottom
of the ocean pit of utter lonliness, chaos and despair. We often
mislabel our disobedience as a lesson God is teaching and then call
out for Him to save us. In His everlasting and awe-inspiring grace,
he has the fish spit us out. Our pit has done nothing to change our
hearts, we still have no desire to follow God, but we do, realizing
in some aspect that our disobedience causes us pain. We technically
follow his commands, with no joy, nor excitement. We sit back and see
how people respond to God's unfailing and incomprehensible love and
we moan and complain. God did not need Jonah to reach the people of
Nineveh, but He chose to use this prophet in a way I'm sure would not
be forgotten.
I love that the end of Jonah
is an open ending. There is no happy resolution for Jonah. God has
had his task satisfied and the people of Nineveh have repented, but
Jonah has not. It's a perfect picture for us today. God is not about
me. God is about Him. So often, though, God invites us into glorious
tasks that are not about us and we get upset, and when we are utterly
miserable in our failure, He invites us again. His love is
relentless. It is not God's fault Jonah is miserable. Who wouldn't
want to be part of finding the cure to an incurable disease, or a
party celebrating the overthrowing of an inhumane regime? Us. Jonah.
We get so caught up in what we want or don't want to do, that we lose
sight of the important, the immortal, the immeasurably joyous thing
God is asking us to be part of.
Jonah, like us, has (or had)
a choice. He did not have to stay there under 'his' dead vine and
bemoan his wondrous circumstances. He could have gotten up and taken
part of the redemptive revelry brought about by God's unfathomable
mercy for the Ninevites. We, the redeemed, must remember this mercy
was used to draw us into the Kingdom.
His mercy is so beautiful it
leaves us speechless, but with a need to cry out with the rocks. It
shakes us to the core and upends our selves. Grace, mercy's partner,
is also wondrous that we have no earthly words to describe the
wholeness is produces.
His kindness leads us to
repentance, yet a majority, like the Israelite heritage we have,
forget. Giants stand in our way. The Red sea, the river Jordan, the
lack of food, the lack of water, the inane, the basic, the
underwhelming needs of the body stacked with the overwhelming
mistrust of the Infinite God who has promised, proven, and provided
all good things.
We who ate the forbidden
fruit and revel in our filth and muck. Who glory in cheating the
system and garnering treasures that rot not only psychically but
spiritually. Who prostitute our bodies to abuse after abuse of
gluttony or starvation, not to mention the hedonistic highs of drink,
sex, drug, and vice. Who justify anger and harsh words. Who lead
children into 'harmless' lies to cover shame. Who set up idol after
idol and make sacrifices to the gods of health, wealth, and self. We
gloat in our shame. We flaunt our hideous malignancy and waltz before
the throne of the Almighty with requests for parking spaces, blessing
of sinful relationships, and dastardly vows.
We point to Elijah's burnout
and use it for justification of our own, neglecting to remember the
circumstances surrounding his time under the broom tree. We look to
Hagar's request and think our own, sin laden petition will be
granted, and are angered and scathing in our response when God turns
down the unglorifying postulation. We read about Job and feel we are
the same in blamelessness, but forsake the warnings of Malachi. We
cherry pick through the God's Holy Word to justify our existence,
when what we really need to do is grab hold of the sanctification and
subsequent justification provided only in and through the Messiah.
I want nothing to do with
the pithy god who is only worth turning to when disaster strikes. I
want nothing to do with the god who is above all thinking of me. I
want nothing to do with mishandling, misquoting, and misusing the
precious Book God has given to us. I want no part of easy,
self-satisfying worship.
I want to be overwhelmed. I
want to be upended. I want to be put in the crucible. I want to be
washed in the blood of the Lion-Lamb and take on His fearful
holiness. I want to live in and because of His power. I want to out
sing the rest of creation with praise too wonderful for even angels
to comprehend. I want to stand and be counted. I want to live and die
for Him who died for holiness, wholeness, completion, and glory. Most
of all, I want Him.
How about you? Want have your anchor hold within THAT veil?
XO,
J
Soli Deo Glorie
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