Yesterday I was reminded of how sometimes we need to just give up. I was watching Little Red struggle and fight and scream at her clothes that just wouldn't go on to her little body properly. I asked her if she wanted help and each time the very loud shrill answer came back as "NO!"
I didn't intervene. I went about the other tasks that needed to be done. I would pause every so often to check in and see if she changed her mind, but nope. Usually getting herself dressed is in her capabilities. Yesterday it wasn't. There were buttons and zippers, both of which are not yet in her fine motor skills repertoire. She got hung up on those details and couldn't even get her head through the proper hole.
I then stepped back and had to laugh. I have been doing exactly the same thing she did. I have been struggling and crying and, at times, even screaming about different "small" details in the grand picture of my life. I desperately need help, but I don't want what's being offered. I want a different shirt that isn't so difficult to put on. I was different pants that require minimal effort on my part. But, it's not what I've been given.
Little Red eventually decided she needed extra hands to get her outfit on. She came to me without my prompting and asked "help, please" in her sweet little voice. I was glad, and relieved she came to me. I chuckled as I did up her little heart buttons. I realized that God probably does the same thing - He rejoices over us in His love.
One 'truism' that often gets said in Christian circles is that "God will never give you more than you can handle." I don't believe that to be true. I believe that He gives us tasks that are impossible. Completely and utterly impossible; that is, without HIM. Think of Gideon - he would have never been able to defeat anyone in battle, but God set it up for incredible victory. Think of David - he would have never bested a giant, but God gave him the win. Think of Elijah - he would have laid down and died under that broom tree, but God gave him rest and the jolt he needed.
I think it's something like tithing. (Stick with me here, I know I'm crazy) Everything we own is already God's, right? We give back to God what is already His. Could it not be a similar thing with our lives and situations we find ourselves in? He already knows what is happening. He already sees what the next steps are. He knows the outcome. Should we not give it to Him and rely on His wisdom and so on? I think, but correct me if I'm wrong (really, please do), that He gives us so much more than we can handle, so that we can step back and give Him the glory for when we make it through by His grace.
Back to Little Red - after her sweet little pink shirt and jeans with the fuzzy edging were on, she gave me a hug and said "Thank you, Momma!" It was adorable, but a good reminder as well. She knew that she couldn't have done it, and didn't want the 'acclaim' for it, but she wanted to acknowledge and love me for giving her what she couldn't accomplish on her own.
Guess it's time for me to let God do up my heart buttons and crawl into His arms with thanks,
XO,
J
Soli Deo Gloria
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Thursday, February 6, 2014
In the Wake of Sleeplessness
Today, I am exhausted. Little Bird has declared war on sleep, and has recruited Little Red. So far, they are winning, but we're sure the tide will turn. Not tonight, maybe not even the next day, or week, but sometime in the next few years.
If the world had a contest for the worst sleepers, I would probably come close to first place. I suck at falling asleep and staying asleep. The room must be dark - and I don't mean dim - but blackout, dark. No glow from a clock, humidifier, or anything. S and I invested in some specially ordered blackout shades for our room when we bought this house. They are excellent, and I'm actually not dreading the coming of spring anymore!
I also have a white noise machine. We got this when we were first married because I couldn't sleep because S breathes. He's not a loud breather or even a snore-er, but he does breathe, and I want him to continue, so we got a machine that makes consistent noise that drowns him out.
I've even worked to include in my diet more pre-melatonin rich foods before bed!
I have tried so many things to help me sleep, really almost anything except for sleeping pills, which I really don't want to venture into because I'm afraid of a)being dependent on them, and b) I'm still nursing Little Bird.
Anyway - because I am so awful at sleeping, S has become my champion and warrior for sleep. Like I said earlier, we've made some investments, financially, in getting me to sleep. He also listens to me talk until I "close all my open windows" (like on a computer). Most importantly, he gets up with our kids.
This leads me to the point of this post. In the wake of last night's lack of sleep, I find myself beyond grateful for this man who God gifted to me as a husband and friend. He loves me, and I love him. He has the gift of sleeping almost anywhere - from the floor in the hospital during labour, to our lovely bed and most anywhere in between.
Last night, and like a host of many other nights, he showed his love to me in a very practical way: he took the monitors and Little Bird and made his way to the couch to try and get a few winks with her. After she got up 4 times and sort of went back to sleep, he made the executive decision that the best way for either or both of us to get any sleep was to take her out of our room. He got some sleep, and I did too. How incredible is he?!
As I laid awake after he left, though, I prayed and prayed and praised God for this man. He's a keeper.
Do you have a keeper? How have they shown you love lately?
xo,
J
Soli Deo Gloria
If the world had a contest for the worst sleepers, I would probably come close to first place. I suck at falling asleep and staying asleep. The room must be dark - and I don't mean dim - but blackout, dark. No glow from a clock, humidifier, or anything. S and I invested in some specially ordered blackout shades for our room when we bought this house. They are excellent, and I'm actually not dreading the coming of spring anymore!
I also have a white noise machine. We got this when we were first married because I couldn't sleep because S breathes. He's not a loud breather or even a snore-er, but he does breathe, and I want him to continue, so we got a machine that makes consistent noise that drowns him out.
I've even worked to include in my diet more pre-melatonin rich foods before bed!
I have tried so many things to help me sleep, really almost anything except for sleeping pills, which I really don't want to venture into because I'm afraid of a)being dependent on them, and b) I'm still nursing Little Bird.
Anyway - because I am so awful at sleeping, S has become my champion and warrior for sleep. Like I said earlier, we've made some investments, financially, in getting me to sleep. He also listens to me talk until I "close all my open windows" (like on a computer). Most importantly, he gets up with our kids.
This leads me to the point of this post. In the wake of last night's lack of sleep, I find myself beyond grateful for this man who God gifted to me as a husband and friend. He loves me, and I love him. He has the gift of sleeping almost anywhere - from the floor in the hospital during labour, to our lovely bed and most anywhere in between.
Last night, and like a host of many other nights, he showed his love to me in a very practical way: he took the monitors and Little Bird and made his way to the couch to try and get a few winks with her. After she got up 4 times and sort of went back to sleep, he made the executive decision that the best way for either or both of us to get any sleep was to take her out of our room. He got some sleep, and I did too. How incredible is he?!
As I laid awake after he left, though, I prayed and prayed and praised God for this man. He's a keeper.
Do you have a keeper? How have they shown you love lately?
xo,
J
Soli Deo Gloria
Monday, February 3, 2014
Speechless
Though the title of my post is speechless, and I am at a loss for words, I do have a few things to try and articulate.
This last week was a week of sorrow and pain. On my Facebook newsfeed alone, this week I counted five different families who either lost a child or are as well in dire condition. All of them were overseas workers seeking to expand God's kingdom.
I have not personally met any of these families. S's brother and family work with two of the families. The others are friends of friends. All of them are brothers and sisters in our Family.
It is devastating. It is confusing. It is well with my soul. It sounds trite, and perhaps even like a pat answer to those who are in the middle of shock, grief, and anger, but Jesus said, "blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
The book I was telling you about a while ago, "Lucky" says that the translation of this should be more like, "Lucky are you who mourn, because you will be comforted."
LUCKY?! Lucky. ugh. It feels offensive. How could we be lucky in this grief? How could we be LUCKY because we are experiencing gut-wrenching sorrow? How dare He say that we are lucky!?
It, honestly, kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It feels like there is a disconnect, that He has no idea what we are going through, or what these families are experiencing.
And then, I remember something. God does know exactly what it feels like to lose a Son. Not only that, but the death and separation that occurred, gives us the hope that this Beatitude talks about. Because Jesus died, and rose again, we have hope of the consolation that can only come from God. These families will be whole again one day. It is not a goodbye, it is a see you later (soon, even, if you can focus on the eternal :] ).
To these families: I am so very sorry. I really have been mourning with you. I really have been crying out to God for comfort for you.
To my Family: lift up these families! Pray for soft hearts. Pray that they feel the hope God offers. Pray Pray PRAY for them.
I know that this post is imperfect, I know it does little to even attempt to alleviate the sorrow and pain being felt. I do hope I have perhaps given a tiny bit of a different perspective.
in tears and prayer,
XO,
J
Soli Deo Gloria
This last week was a week of sorrow and pain. On my Facebook newsfeed alone, this week I counted five different families who either lost a child or are as well in dire condition. All of them were overseas workers seeking to expand God's kingdom.
I have not personally met any of these families. S's brother and family work with two of the families. The others are friends of friends. All of them are brothers and sisters in our Family.
It is devastating. It is confusing. It is well with my soul. It sounds trite, and perhaps even like a pat answer to those who are in the middle of shock, grief, and anger, but Jesus said, "blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
The book I was telling you about a while ago, "Lucky" says that the translation of this should be more like, "Lucky are you who mourn, because you will be comforted."
LUCKY?! Lucky. ugh. It feels offensive. How could we be lucky in this grief? How could we be LUCKY because we are experiencing gut-wrenching sorrow? How dare He say that we are lucky!?
It, honestly, kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It feels like there is a disconnect, that He has no idea what we are going through, or what these families are experiencing.
And then, I remember something. God does know exactly what it feels like to lose a Son. Not only that, but the death and separation that occurred, gives us the hope that this Beatitude talks about. Because Jesus died, and rose again, we have hope of the consolation that can only come from God. These families will be whole again one day. It is not a goodbye, it is a see you later (soon, even, if you can focus on the eternal :] ).
To these families: I am so very sorry. I really have been mourning with you. I really have been crying out to God for comfort for you.
To my Family: lift up these families! Pray for soft hearts. Pray that they feel the hope God offers. Pray Pray PRAY for them.
I know that this post is imperfect, I know it does little to even attempt to alleviate the sorrow and pain being felt. I do hope I have perhaps given a tiny bit of a different perspective.
in tears and prayer,
XO,
J
Soli Deo Gloria
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