Grace in a Mistake

Yesterday I got a phone call from one of the professionals that we are taking Buddy to to get some help in dealing with his sensory processing disorder.  It was about a charge for a detailed response that they are sending our way.  Our benefits for Buddy are already dried up because of the rates, so this payment was going to be all out of pocket.  As far as we are concerned, any amount of money is worth the help that Buddy needs to live a successful life. The trouble is, though, our budget is kinda tight, and we were going to have to rearrange some of our budget columns in order to find the monies to pay this charge. 

I prayed about it. I wasn't too thrilled that we'd have to spend the money on the report, but I was willing to do it if we had to. 

When I told S about it, he was kind of flabbergasted. WHY were we charged? We didn't know that this report was going to cost more than the original assessment. He was concerned enough about it, that he called and asked about the charge. 

He got some answers, but our professional was going to check into a few things to see where the miscommunication happened, and whether or not it was ours or her fault.  We hadn't intended on her changing anything for us, it was more of a call to clarify things for the future.  We left it alone.

This morning, I got an email from our professional and it had all of her costs and everything. Sure enough, there it was in black and white that there would be charges that we would have to pay for. Shoot!  Off I go to rearrange our budget....

Then I got a phone call.  She had realized that she had not sent us all of the program costs prior to us coming in for the assessment or even the writing of the report. She apologized and reversed the charge!!

This was particularly meaningful to me because I've been struggling with figuring out how we're going to actually get Buddy the help he needs from the people who understand him because each one is super expensive. I really want to trust God with it, but I'm finding it so very hard when we have therapy materials to buy, appointments to pay for, and time off work to add insult to injury.  The thing is, God knows. God sees. God is good. I really believe that even if every last penny of ours was used up for Buddy God would still be good. It's more, this time, it was as if God was speaking directly to my heart and saying, "I know you are worried, you don't have to....at all. I want good for Buddy, too. Let me take care of you."

Thanks, God. Thanks for your grace in this situation, and thanks for your provision in this specific area!


Praising,
XO,
J

Soli Deo Gloria

Resolutions Revisited 2

Today marked the last day of my second read-through of the Bible this year.  Two down, one to go!!
The last time for this year, I'm going to use this plan (Plan), but condense it down for two months. To do that, I'm going to read 6 sections a day.  As I have a few days left in October, I should be done ahead of schedule, but we'll see, it might just be enough time, should life get in the way! 

This time round, nothing REALLY stuck out to me.  I think it was because of how I attempted to read it - it was broken down into a different kind of literature in the Bible every day - but, but the time Monday rolled around again, the continuity and flow was completely broken. I was going from Psalms to prophecy to epistles and back again. It was too much for my brain to take it. Once I stopped that and just read each section until it was finished, it was much better. 

I came away this time grateful. Grateful for God's Word, that I have the ability to sit down with it every day and pour over it! I am grateful to have a different version to give a tiny bit of a different perspective on 'too familiar' passages.  (This next time I'm going to use the Message, which I've never even cracked open before!) I'm grateful that God's word has been preserved and translated so well.

My other resolution, which I haven't talked about on this blog, but would like to now, is also going well.  I had resolved to not 'like' anything on Facebook without also commenting or otherwise engaging with the photo, comment, etc.  I have often felt like just liking something lets us off of the relational hook far too easy. It's much easier to hit a button that has little actual meaning than to type out that we appreciate something, or even WHY we appreciate something.  The times I do just use the like button is when I do not know the person I am 'liking' - like if they had a great comment that I agree with, or if they posted a photo of someone I know (though, I usually comment on those too) or if there is a humongous thread of comments and the one I wanted to affirm was waaaaay at the beginning.

It's really eye opening to me how I've changed in my use of Facebook. I actually have to stop and think before I move on to the next status or picture or even a blog post. It is also humbling, because, often, I feel like we gauge how well we, personally, are liked by the amount of button clicks there are on a certain post or whatever have you. I think it's crazy! Wouldn't a comment or an actual face to face conversation about that same thing be much more meaningful?  It's pushed me to start those conversations, and I like that.


Have you been working on your resolutions?  Have you started thinking about the upcoming year's resolutions you want to take on?  Wanna pray with me as I consider mine?

XO,
J

Soli Deo Gloria!

A Revelation

In the last month or so, S and I have been visiting a psychologist to help us get a handle on how to give our family the best care.  Having a person who is trained to know how 'invisible' disabilities wear on families has been invaluable.  From explaining what executive brain function is to reiterating how extremely important good sleep is for the body, she has been an excellent resource for our family.

One thing that I didn't see coming, but probably should have, is that I have some of the same struggles Buddy does, but to a lesser degree.  Buddy, as we're finding out more and more almost weekly (as we go to different appointments and see more specialists) has both OCD and Sensory Processing Disorder (or SPD for short).  Both of these are anxiety disorders, so that means his little brain and body are under constant barrage from things that cause anxiety and stress on him. 

Me, I have a lesser form of SPD, or at least, that is what we're thinking at this point. Our psyc. talked about symptoms in adults, and asked many questions about my childhood. There are so many puzzle pieces that fall into place, that it is crazy. I am going to be visiting an occupational therapist to either confirm or debunk the tentative diagnosis. We're hoping that she'll also have some practical advice on how to stave off some of my almost-ever-present anxiety. 

Backing up, it's amazing that we missed it. Maybe we've not been able to see the forest for the trees. Or maybe even the bark got in the way of seeing a tree! 

Now, I'm taking steps to know when my body is regulated and practice more and more to keep it there.  One way of looking at SPD is this:  imagine you are at a rock concert that is louder than loud.  Next, imagine your friend next to you is whispering to try and tell you some crucial piece of information. ...The rock concert is sensory input and the friend whispering is tasks you are supposed to be doing, or even a conversation you are supposed to be engaging in.  If you could turn down the concert, you'd easily be able to understand what it is your friend is saying.  The task, though, becomes figuring out either how to turn down the concert OR interpret what the friend is saying in spite of the noise...or sometimes, even both.

It's a challenge, but I am so grateful that we've been made aware of it and can actually find the sound dials to turn down, turn off, or ignore the overwhelmingness of the 'concert'.

Have you had any revelations lately?

XO,
J

Soli Deo Gloria

A Simple Prayer

My heart melted today. 

I had a rough case of hiccups that left me saying 'ow' every few seconds. Little Red kept asking if I was okay. Buddy kept saying 'bless you.'

I continued on like this for about ten minutes. It really wasn't fun.  We started to eat lunch, when Buddy suddenly looked up at me and said, "Momma! We need to pray!" I looked at him, confused, and then we bowed our heads.

He asked God to heal me and make me feel better. Super simple prayer. Super sweet.

I had no more hiccups.

It was really cool to see how God answered Buddy's prayer immediately. We pointed it out to him and his eyes grew wide.  Then we asked him what we should do next.

He bowed his head again and he prayed another simple prayer. "Thank you for healing momma and making her feel better."

Seriously, it was one of those moments that I don't think I could ever forget. Not just the sweetness from my little man, but the way in which God let Buddy see Him in action.  I cannot even try to tell you how much my heart feels like bursting.


How's your Saturday?

XO,

J

Soli Deo Gloria

Little Bugs, Big Problem

Back at the beginning of spring, S and I bought a meyer lemon tree. It was one of the most thrilling purchases I have made. I know that makes me a nerd, but still,  it has brought so much happiness to my little corner of the world.

It had one tiny little lemon on it when we got it, and I could almost taste it's sweet lemon-y goodness, but that never happened.  For some inexplicable reason, the tree dropped the lemon before the little jewel could ripen.  It was a sad day.

After a few weeks of dutiful care and watering, blossoms bloomed all over the lovely plant. It made my whole main floor smell like a delicious lemon grove. It had been an unexpected surprise (aren't all surprises?). I knew it would bloom, but the SMELL! SO SO SO wonderful.  I dutifully looked up how to pollinate the blooms by hand, and did so.

I began to wait expectantly for more little lemons to form and mature. Sadly, it was not to happen this season. Unknown to us, aphids are sneaky little bugs that can ruin all your hopes and dreams for homegrown, from scratch lemonade. They are so small they can sneak through the screens on your windows...and those same screens keep their predators (namely ladybugs) out. It was a losing situation for us. At first, I wasn't sure what those specks on the tree were, and then, before I knew it, they multiplied to a number that was too great to squash with simple interventions like putting ladybugs that we found on the leaves.

My son's respite aide came to the rescue. She suggested spraying the much loved tree with a weak soap and water solution and put it outside until the offensive little critters were gone. It worked!  After about two months of living on our table outside the tree was free from aphids. We brought it back inside and continued our vigilant care of baby tree.

It was growing. It was putting out new leaves and growth all over the place. The only thing hampering it's growing season were my girls' desire to remove its leaves.

Then, this past week, I noticed something. The aphids had made a return to my plant! I put several lady bugs on the tree, hoping it would stop their advance. It might have helped, but today, I had to take matters in to my own hands.

I wiped down most of the leaves, took it back outside and sprayed it with a Castille/water solution, and then I took to washing down every inch of the wall and counter where my lemon tree lives. There were little bugs EVERYWHERE!  UGH! They had even wiggled their way into the space between the windows! It's a buggy nightmare. I've now vacuumed, washed, prayed, and now am hoping that this aphid problem  is squashed.

In all of this, though, it sounds a lot like living life with temptation, doesn't it? We work on it. We get advice, and it seems to go away for a time, but often, right under our noses, when we aren't paying the closest of attention it HITS us. Sometimes, we don't give in and all we have to do it batten down the hatches and up our watch on this area, other times it is a huge problem and the fruit in our life is forfeit. In any season, though, we have to guard our hearts and rely on God's grace to overcome.

Where are the aphids in your life? Is it time to check for them again? Have you recently taken stock of how you are doing?

XO,

J

Soli Deo Gloria

Change of plans

So, 'member how I was working on that sweater with the intense lace pattern that I needed to have a laminated sheet/wax pencil to keep track of?  Well, even if you don't, don't worry. You won't see that sweater on my body in the near future, or even late future.  It might happen at SOME point in my life, but not now. 
With the kids running around and things around the house that must be accomplished, I cannot focus the time and effort needed into the sweater to actually make it look like the pattern I was following. I have switched it out for a different lovely cardigan, but the lace pattern is nowhere near as involved and I could set it down, say to pull a child out of harm's way.

Sometimes life is like that, isn't it?  We set out a great plan for our life, even get the supplies and supports in place and then once we actually start in on the plan, it unravels. Our best intentions are for naught, and at times take the place of even better things. We need to bow out. We need to put the dream back in the truck for perusal at a later date. We need to hone our skill before making a mess. We need to take stock of current responsibilities and priorities. It's not just about attempting or even planning on doing something good. It's about realizing the difference between good, better, and best.

That little charm of wisdom has always given me trouble. Often times I am content with good or even better, but rarely strive ALL the way for best. Someone once told me that good is the killer of best. Best doesn't always mean something harder, sometimes it means simpler/easier/less time consuming.
Sometimes you have to step back and take stock of how your plan will affect the rest of your world and that might determine best. There are a lot of factors, no?

What good plans do you need to trade in for best?
XO

J

Soli Deo Gloria