Lately, I've been struck with how great it is that Jesus cried over the death of Lazarus. The anguish of the death of a friend hurts. Grieving well is a gift. Stiffing grief only causes more pain.
I haven't lost anyone super recently. My adopted grandmother did go to Heaven last year, and that was hard, but we had drifted a bit since I had moved out west. I miss her asking for a half a cup of coffee, or making rice krispies with her, or even sneaking PB cookie dough out of the bowl away from her watchful eye.
The grief the my husband and I are working through is a living breathing and ever changing grief. The grief has to do with our dreams and expectations of the future, as well as some expectations of 'normal' everyday life.
Anxiety and sensory processing disorders have given us the challenge of figuring out how to survive through 24 hour periods with very little left to glance at the next 24. Maintaining the safety of our kids is a challenge in balancing visual schedules, the correct sensory input, and praying for peace to reign. It's exhausting. It's overwhelming. It is refining.
When we first held our precious firstborn in our arms we dreamed what any parent does - that we would play with him, teach him how to ride his bike, have endless play dates, sticky banana kisses, outings to the park or libraries....and so on. And we did. For two years we had a relatively typical first parents experience.
It was during the summer before Buddy turned three that the red flags we had been seeing in his development and play became full out warning bells and sirens. Gone were play dates and outings. Screaming and nightmares and utter chaos became the norm. Violence and meltdowns became common.
With visits to specialists we realized this wasn't 'just' a phase or bad parenting or a sickness that would be cured. Coming away from the first pediatric psychiatrist appointment, we were devastated. Not because Buddy was any different, or that we loved him less, or anything like that. It was a grief stemming from the death of dreams and the what -ifs of uncertainty of the future.
Back to Jesus, before this post becomes too sad. Jesus! He didn't continue to cry and wallow in his grief. Why? He knew what was ahead. He knew that he had the healing touch, or rather the resurrecting touch. He finished grieving, got up, and took action. He had an audience. He did the unthinkable and had the tomb opened. Then, he prayed.
Jesus is a great example for me here. He didn't ignore pain. He didn't stay in pain. He showed the world what is ahead for us - life! Joy! Time with Him!
Back to us and Buddy. It's not the big things that get me down about Buddy's future. I'm sure he'll be fine in the long run - especially with all of the different people God has put in our way to help him out. It's the 'little' things that break my heart for our 5 year old. -things like how he's had to forgo two different amazing field trips this school year because they would have overwhelmed him past recovery, or that having friends over not only takes planning and patience, but days of recovery as well. It's that we've had to postpone memorizing verses from the Bible because he latches on to a word or phrase and repeats it ad nauseum for hours or days on end. It's these little tears at my heart that are breaking it, causing the grief to swell.
I have to admit I don't like it. I hate grieving, but I'm starting to realize the gift that it is. Without proper grieving, I believe we would be stuck in pain so terrible, that we would just give up.
So today, I will have my cry. Tomorrow, though, I will look up and see how God is working.
xo,
J
Soli Deo Gloria
Friday, May 22, 2015
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Chicken with Fresh Herb Ravioli
I waffled a bit before I sat down to write this post. I have been meaning to do a follow up post with a picture tutorial to my last post....instead of just talking about paper making - actually showing you how to do it.
THEN! Mother's Day happened. While that tidbit might not make you understand why I am on a tangent away from paper making, it makes absolute sense with the next sentence. My wonderful husband and kids got me a pot full of fresh herbs to grow in my windowsill. It is a ginormous pot and has sufficient herbs to satisfy my longing for fresh foods! It has sage, parsley, thyme, and oregano. It smells amazing!
SO! Instead of going on and on about my love of paper making, I have decided to share with you what my family ate tonight....and the recipe, so you could eat it too!
We made chicken with fresh herbs ravioli with sage and garlic butter sauce.
First off, we made the pasta dough (all recipes at the end). I let it rest for 20 minutes before getting out the lovely pasta roller. Little Red woke up from her nap at this point, and was in a F.U.N.K. Seriously grumpy child, so I did what any sensible parent would do...got her to help me in the kitchen. Ha. Maybe not super sensible, but for this little munchkin, if her hands are busy, she's usually happy.
She helped turn the crank of the pasta roller, while I fed the machine. S filled up the raviolis with the filling I had made while the pasta dough was resting. We made a great team, the three of us.
Once we finished enough to eat a decent supper, the first batch went into the boiling pot of water, and I started on the butter sauce.
The kids being not as adventurous as us only ate the naked pasta, and boy howdy did they chow down! S and I barely bit into our first one before their plates were licked clean!
So...enough about our experience - here are the recipes for your delicious pleasure!
Ravioli dough:
1.5 lb all purpose flour
2 eggs
about 1.5 tbs of olive oil
water to reach the right consistency
Put your flour in a large bowl (or use an kitchenaid) and make a well in the center. crack the eggs and add the oil to the well. Bring the flour from the edges into the well and start stirring (or use your dough hook on LOW speed). keep mixing, adding a TBS of water at a time until it is smooth and elastic. kneed for a few minutes. Let the dough rest for at least 10 minutes before rolling.
Chicken with fresh herb filling:
6 chicken thighs
2.5 cups shred mozzarella cheese
half handful of parsley
about 6 sprigs of thyme - without the stems
about 7 leaves of rosemary
4-5 sprigs of oregano - again, no stems
1 egg
Boil the chicken until cooked, then shred. While still warm, stir together the cheese. Add the herbs after minced finely. add salt and pepper to taste. Add egg.
Assemble the raviolis! (if you need help with this step, ask in the comments)
Garlic and sage butter sauce
2 heaped tsp garlic
11-12 sage leaves minced
3-4 tbs butter
1-1 1/2 cup of pasta water (water you boiled your pasta in)
melt the butter. Add garlic and sage and cook for a minute or two. Add the water (watch out! it'll bubble) stir and let thicken. Add your boiled raviolis to the sauce and let it cook down while you stir them to keep from sticking - about 5-8 minutes.
and! you are done!
enjoy!
XO,
J
SOLI DEO GLORIA
THEN! Mother's Day happened. While that tidbit might not make you understand why I am on a tangent away from paper making, it makes absolute sense with the next sentence. My wonderful husband and kids got me a pot full of fresh herbs to grow in my windowsill. It is a ginormous pot and has sufficient herbs to satisfy my longing for fresh foods! It has sage, parsley, thyme, and oregano. It smells amazing!
SO! Instead of going on and on about my love of paper making, I have decided to share with you what my family ate tonight....and the recipe, so you could eat it too!
We made chicken with fresh herbs ravioli with sage and garlic butter sauce.
 |
| While it might not look as amazing as it sounds....it was fantastic! |
First off, we made the pasta dough (all recipes at the end). I let it rest for 20 minutes before getting out the lovely pasta roller. Little Red woke up from her nap at this point, and was in a F.U.N.K. Seriously grumpy child, so I did what any sensible parent would do...got her to help me in the kitchen. Ha. Maybe not super sensible, but for this little munchkin, if her hands are busy, she's usually happy.
She helped turn the crank of the pasta roller, while I fed the machine. S filled up the raviolis with the filling I had made while the pasta dough was resting. We made a great team, the three of us.
Once we finished enough to eat a decent supper, the first batch went into the boiling pot of water, and I started on the butter sauce.
The kids being not as adventurous as us only ate the naked pasta, and boy howdy did they chow down! S and I barely bit into our first one before their plates were licked clean!
So...enough about our experience - here are the recipes for your delicious pleasure!
Ravioli dough:
1.5 lb all purpose flour
2 eggs
about 1.5 tbs of olive oil
water to reach the right consistency
Put your flour in a large bowl (or use an kitchenaid) and make a well in the center. crack the eggs and add the oil to the well. Bring the flour from the edges into the well and start stirring (or use your dough hook on LOW speed). keep mixing, adding a TBS of water at a time until it is smooth and elastic. kneed for a few minutes. Let the dough rest for at least 10 minutes before rolling.
Chicken with fresh herb filling:
6 chicken thighs
2.5 cups shred mozzarella cheese
half handful of parsley
about 6 sprigs of thyme - without the stems
about 7 leaves of rosemary
4-5 sprigs of oregano - again, no stems
1 egg
Boil the chicken until cooked, then shred. While still warm, stir together the cheese. Add the herbs after minced finely. add salt and pepper to taste. Add egg.
Assemble the raviolis! (if you need help with this step, ask in the comments)
Garlic and sage butter sauce
2 heaped tsp garlic
11-12 sage leaves minced
3-4 tbs butter
1-1 1/2 cup of pasta water (water you boiled your pasta in)
melt the butter. Add garlic and sage and cook for a minute or two. Add the water (watch out! it'll bubble) stir and let thicken. Add your boiled raviolis to the sauce and let it cook down while you stir them to keep from sticking - about 5-8 minutes.
and! you are done!
enjoy!
XO,
J
SOLI DEO GLORIA
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