Today has been a crazy emotional roller coaster - and it's not even lunch time, yet!
I woke up this morning, and as I usually do when Little Bird is actually awake (she still shares our room), I weigh myself. I am down some more. There was much rejoicing!
I then went downstairs to check my email/facebook/other email/etc and noticed there was a crazy screen up. S had put on a scan of the computer before we went to bed last night. Apparently, it was a search and destroy type, or something like that. I guess, it decided that our entire system had some issues and somehow had rebooted our whole thing. ...which meant I lost lots and lots of very meaningful and important things - like pictures or other word documents I've been working on for months. The frustrating part of it all, is that last night, as we had been chatting about how our computer was doing annoying things, I had said we needed to make sure we backed it up soon. I guess it just wasn't soon enough.
At this point, I'm hoping that S can do some kind of miraculous recovery of our files, but not tooooo hopeful, really.
After noticing all the files were gone, I was able to get online and actually check all of that which I had meant to. I got an email from my publisher and BAM! My book is live! It can be purchased and read! It has been such a long time coming that it feels super surreal.
I'll do another post about it soon, but here's a link if you want to go check it out :Here
Anyway, I'm not expecting this day to get any less crazy. I have been reading blog posts about common lies MKs (missionary kids) believe and boy have they been hitting home. I also have an appointment with a wonderful counselor who is journeying with me to unravel some of my spaghetti mess of a brain.
If you think of it today, pray for my kids and husband - they are along for the ride.
xo,
J
soli deo golia
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
The Perfect Blanket
For each of my kids I have either knit or crocheted (or a little of both) a blanket. For My Buddy (aka the oldest) it's a huge striped waffle pattern that perfectly matches his made by me quilt. Little Red has a smaller fancy cabled lace blanket with a girly lacey edge. My youngest, or Little Bird, has a super delicate lace blanket made from sock wool and done on fairly small needles. Each has been a labour of love. The pattern was picked out, yarn purchased, and then cast on. Each was probably pulled off the needles or taken apart at least five times or even the pattern switched because I just didn't get it or there were mistakes in the pattern.
They were all completed before the big day and have since been used and loved almost every day of their lives. Buddy's lives on his bed and looks unlovely. Because of some of his hyper-stimulation needs, he's pulled out all the knots and strings that I wove in (praise God I actually knotted them instead of JUST weaving them in) and twists them incessantly around his fingers. He's also sucked/chewed a hole in a few places, so it has been sewn back together a few times. It may not look lovely, but it is loved.
Little Red has been more gentle with her bamboo and silk blanket. She cuddles it close or lays on it every night while she sleeps. It's nappy and pilled. It's scrunched and mushed. It still looks pretty good, but you can tell it has been well used.
Little Bird's blanket lives by the door on a hook. We use it on the colder days when she has to go in the car. Since she's only almost 6 months her sweet little blanket is still in pretty good shape. It is warped and stretched a little bit and it just doesn't look new anymore.
All three of the blankets are doing exactly what I hoped they would - keep my kids warm and help them feel loved.
There is one blanket, though, that has made a permanent home on top of my dresser. This sturdy green, white, and brown striped blanket has not kept anyone warm. The yarn for this one was bought the day I went for blood work to make sure our baby was okay. I was hopeful and excited. The results for that blood work and consequent ultrasound were less than stellar.
I, with Buddy, had just flown to my parents house for Christmas. S was coming a week later. When I got there I hadn't been feeling well and had no idea why. A trip to the doctor and I was shocked. Pregnant?! How could I be pregnant? I was on birth control! I was still exclusively nursing a baby who was only about 4 months old! It was crazy, and I was so very surprised. I called S with the news and we both became excited!
That night I started spotting. I called S back, sobbing. My mom slept with me that night. We went back to the doctor the next day and he ordered the blood work and ultrasound. S got on the plane and joined me at my parents. I was put on bedrest. We were still hopeful, but sobered.
Christmas came and went. The test results came back. We were not going to be needing the yarn that we bought.
I decided that even this child that I would never know needed a blanket. I picked a super simple pattern and finished it. It helped me grieve. It gave me a physical piece of this baby that I could hold. This fetus was no longer just a passing idea or thing to forget. This was my child, and he (as we imagine) had a memorial. The blanket has not warped or stretched. It's not nappy or pilled. It hasn't been chewed through or twisted to pieces.
It still looks lovely, and that is perhaps the most sad part about it. It is lovely, but it represents love.
xo,
J
soli deo gloria
They were all completed before the big day and have since been used and loved almost every day of their lives. Buddy's lives on his bed and looks unlovely. Because of some of his hyper-stimulation needs, he's pulled out all the knots and strings that I wove in (praise God I actually knotted them instead of JUST weaving them in) and twists them incessantly around his fingers. He's also sucked/chewed a hole in a few places, so it has been sewn back together a few times. It may not look lovely, but it is loved.
Little Red has been more gentle with her bamboo and silk blanket. She cuddles it close or lays on it every night while she sleeps. It's nappy and pilled. It's scrunched and mushed. It still looks pretty good, but you can tell it has been well used.
Little Bird's blanket lives by the door on a hook. We use it on the colder days when she has to go in the car. Since she's only almost 6 months her sweet little blanket is still in pretty good shape. It is warped and stretched a little bit and it just doesn't look new anymore.
All three of the blankets are doing exactly what I hoped they would - keep my kids warm and help them feel loved.
There is one blanket, though, that has made a permanent home on top of my dresser. This sturdy green, white, and brown striped blanket has not kept anyone warm. The yarn for this one was bought the day I went for blood work to make sure our baby was okay. I was hopeful and excited. The results for that blood work and consequent ultrasound were less than stellar.
I, with Buddy, had just flown to my parents house for Christmas. S was coming a week later. When I got there I hadn't been feeling well and had no idea why. A trip to the doctor and I was shocked. Pregnant?! How could I be pregnant? I was on birth control! I was still exclusively nursing a baby who was only about 4 months old! It was crazy, and I was so very surprised. I called S with the news and we both became excited!
That night I started spotting. I called S back, sobbing. My mom slept with me that night. We went back to the doctor the next day and he ordered the blood work and ultrasound. S got on the plane and joined me at my parents. I was put on bedrest. We were still hopeful, but sobered.
Christmas came and went. The test results came back. We were not going to be needing the yarn that we bought.
I decided that even this child that I would never know needed a blanket. I picked a super simple pattern and finished it. It helped me grieve. It gave me a physical piece of this baby that I could hold. This fetus was no longer just a passing idea or thing to forget. This was my child, and he (as we imagine) had a memorial. The blanket has not warped or stretched. It's not nappy or pilled. It hasn't been chewed through or twisted to pieces.
It still looks lovely, and that is perhaps the most sad part about it. It is lovely, but it represents love.
xo,
J
soli deo gloria
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Reeking of Love
I may never be the same again. I spent about forty-five minutes today peeling garlic. I may forever smell of this lovely little plant. My hands reek of it even after washing and washing. My house smells of garlic as well, though that may have to do more with roasting some of it than the enormous pile of naked cloves. (It kind of reminds me of that scene in Julie and Julia where Julia Child is cutting up SO many onions that when her husband enters the room his eyes instantly tear up)
What's with all the garlic? Well, I'm on number three of my cultured foods. The sauerkraut is still tucked away in it's crock fermenting. The blueberry 'jam' is in the fridge awaiting a spoon to spread it on toast or mix it into yogurt. Today, I started my garlic culture. There are about 15 heads of garlic in a quart jar and then filled to the brim with salted water. I can't wait to see how this one turns out! Garlic is awesome for building up the immune system - even more so when it has been fermented for a while. In this household, we for sure need something to give us a boost.
Going back to the pervasive smell - It's kind of how we need to be with Jesus. If you could come to my house right now, you could smell garlic DISTINCTLY, but would you know as obviously that Jesus resides here? The World is to know we are Christians by our love - do they? It's for sure a challenge to me. Now to think and pray it through as well as take some outward actions steps.
xo,
J
soli deo gloria
What's with all the garlic? Well, I'm on number three of my cultured foods. The sauerkraut is still tucked away in it's crock fermenting. The blueberry 'jam' is in the fridge awaiting a spoon to spread it on toast or mix it into yogurt. Today, I started my garlic culture. There are about 15 heads of garlic in a quart jar and then filled to the brim with salted water. I can't wait to see how this one turns out! Garlic is awesome for building up the immune system - even more so when it has been fermented for a while. In this household, we for sure need something to give us a boost.
Going back to the pervasive smell - It's kind of how we need to be with Jesus. If you could come to my house right now, you could smell garlic DISTINCTLY, but would you know as obviously that Jesus resides here? The World is to know we are Christians by our love - do they? It's for sure a challenge to me. Now to think and pray it through as well as take some outward actions steps.
xo,
J
soli deo gloria
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Helping Hands
This morning I was going about my usual routine of getting the kitchen cleaned up from the dishes left over from last night's supper. We tend to clean up all the food and plates and stuff, but leave the bigger dishes so we have time to spend together as a family. Sometimes we will do the dishes together after the kids go to bed, but more often, especially lately, I will do them during the morning while the kids are playing or watching the same movie for the hundredth time in a row.
Today, I was working on unloading the dishwasher during my son's quiet time. Little Red (the middle child) usually plays quietly with her dolls or whatever. Recently, though, she's been coming to help whenever I open the dishwasher. She's a joyous little helper and does a pretty good job considering she's only 2 and can't reach more than half of the shelves where the dishes go.
Thing is, I was struck by how similar I am to her. Many times God is doing something in this world, and I run to help. I don't have the stature or maturity to do the best job, but my efforts can be valiant. Sometimes I make a horrible mess, like when Little Red picks up a tupperware that flipped on the top rack and is now FULL of water. Other times I'm just the right person for the job - like when she can put away all the lids in the right spots. Still other times, I make things harder for people who come after me - like the one time I'm sure I searched for a solid week for the veggie peeler. I'm often misdirected and want to do things my way even though it isn't the best or even helpful at all - she sometimes thinks that putting the dirty dishes I've just put in the dishwasher should also go back in the cupboards.
The biggest thing I realized this morning, though, is that similar to me, I'm pretty sure God loves a cheerful heart and willing hands. He could do things all himself, but He lets us help and do. I'm glad He loves us so much to let us learn and make mistakes in the process. I'm gad that, like me with my two year old, His expectations are pretty low of me. I'm also glad that HE has put someone in place to pick up my mess, do things perfectly, and finish the work.
xo,
J
soli deo gloria
Today, I was working on unloading the dishwasher during my son's quiet time. Little Red (the middle child) usually plays quietly with her dolls or whatever. Recently, though, she's been coming to help whenever I open the dishwasher. She's a joyous little helper and does a pretty good job considering she's only 2 and can't reach more than half of the shelves where the dishes go.
Thing is, I was struck by how similar I am to her. Many times God is doing something in this world, and I run to help. I don't have the stature or maturity to do the best job, but my efforts can be valiant. Sometimes I make a horrible mess, like when Little Red picks up a tupperware that flipped on the top rack and is now FULL of water. Other times I'm just the right person for the job - like when she can put away all the lids in the right spots. Still other times, I make things harder for people who come after me - like the one time I'm sure I searched for a solid week for the veggie peeler. I'm often misdirected and want to do things my way even though it isn't the best or even helpful at all - she sometimes thinks that putting the dirty dishes I've just put in the dishwasher should also go back in the cupboards.
The biggest thing I realized this morning, though, is that similar to me, I'm pretty sure God loves a cheerful heart and willing hands. He could do things all himself, but He lets us help and do. I'm glad He loves us so much to let us learn and make mistakes in the process. I'm gad that, like me with my two year old, His expectations are pretty low of me. I'm also glad that HE has put someone in place to pick up my mess, do things perfectly, and finish the work.
xo,
J
soli deo gloria
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Blessed, Not a Mess
Today I am a mess. I'm a frustrated at life, grumpy mess. My kids are sick, I didn't sleep much, and someone came to our house to fix the flooring issues but instead blew a lot of steam and blame shifted.
I feel like I have significant reasons to justify my attitude and behaviour that stems from it. Really, though, I have much else that is RIGHT going on today and should not let the few irritating things get in the way of joy.
I haven't really caught on to that idea and am still having an incredibly hard time being positive. I am reminded of a song that is currently running through my head - Count Your Blessings. It's an older song by Johnson Oatman Jr.
The chorus goes like this:
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
How often do I take the time to take stock of what is going right in my life? Personally, I tend to complain and want to vent or rant to whomever would listen. Not cool. Not biblical (see Philippians 2:14). Not becoming. Rats, guess that means I should stop, eh? There is an alternative, and it's right in front of my eyes - especially since I just copied and pasted that chorus.
I am finding, too, that there is much that the majority of people wouldn't even see in my life that push it into the joy-causing realm. Things like this:
- my experimental chickpea plant actually growing
-edible sparkles in my cup of tea
- that my son's teacher uses season appropriate colors for the papers she sends home
- that a friend of ours lent us a 'new' movie just before these kids of mine got sick
-that the city we recently moved to picks up compostables at the curb (!!)
-the forecast includes snow!
-the sock pattern I'm working through
-the anticipation of seeing some of our dear friends who have committed to coming down for American Thanksgiving!
- true blackout blinds
- that my middle little one can put on her own socks!
The list really could go on forever. Thing is, I have to choose to think these things through. To recall that there is value in the seemingly insignificant things that I often take for granted.
Today, I'm a mess. Today, instead of letting it define me, I'm going to do my best to choose to see how blessed I really am.
XO,
J
soli deo glori
I feel like I have significant reasons to justify my attitude and behaviour that stems from it. Really, though, I have much else that is RIGHT going on today and should not let the few irritating things get in the way of joy.
I haven't really caught on to that idea and am still having an incredibly hard time being positive. I am reminded of a song that is currently running through my head - Count Your Blessings. It's an older song by Johnson Oatman Jr.
The chorus goes like this:
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
How often do I take the time to take stock of what is going right in my life? Personally, I tend to complain and want to vent or rant to whomever would listen. Not cool. Not biblical (see Philippians 2:14). Not becoming. Rats, guess that means I should stop, eh? There is an alternative, and it's right in front of my eyes - especially since I just copied and pasted that chorus.
I am finding, too, that there is much that the majority of people wouldn't even see in my life that push it into the joy-causing realm. Things like this:
- my experimental chickpea plant actually growing
-edible sparkles in my cup of tea
- that my son's teacher uses season appropriate colors for the papers she sends home
- that a friend of ours lent us a 'new' movie just before these kids of mine got sick
-that the city we recently moved to picks up compostables at the curb (!!)
-the forecast includes snow!
-the sock pattern I'm working through
-the anticipation of seeing some of our dear friends who have committed to coming down for American Thanksgiving!
- true blackout blinds
- that my middle little one can put on her own socks!
The list really could go on forever. Thing is, I have to choose to think these things through. To recall that there is value in the seemingly insignificant things that I often take for granted.
Today, I'm a mess. Today, instead of letting it define me, I'm going to do my best to choose to see how blessed I really am.
XO,
J
soli deo glori
Monday, October 21, 2013
Going Awry
In the last little while, I have been researching and executing lacto-fermentation. Basically, it is the making of sauerkraut or other simple culture foods for the enzyme and probiotic benefit. Saturday was my first big push at starting the adventure in fermenting things.
I borrowed one my mother-in-law's huge enamel crocks when we were up at their farm for Thanksgiving. My dearest love, (AKA code name 'S') helped me sterilize it and set it up to receive about 10 pounds of cabbage. I boiled and sanitized all of the chopping utensils and boards - not to mention the counters, weights for the crock and my hands.
I chopped and chopped. I weighed and measured out salt. I stuffed and stuffed. I chopped and then chopped some more. It wasn't more than two hours all together, really. In the end the humongous crock was full of salted cabbage. I weighed it down like the internet directions said. I waited for a few hours to see if there would be enough cabbage/salt juices to cover itself. When there wasn't about an hour before bedtime I added some brine. I covered it and let it set to ferment. I was thrilled with the progress and excited to wait for the prescribed time for my lovely sauerkaut.
Then today happened.
I was merrily going about making some blueberry lacto-ferment jam (which should be ready in only a day or so!!!), keeping the kids relatively happy and engaged in their activities, and making sure the cheerios that had been spilled at breakfast were at least contained and not becoming dust tracked about the house.
Things were looking up, and then I looked down. There was a mysterious puddle underneath the babe's bouncy chair. What in the world could it be? There was nothing on the chair that could have leaked, and no other signs as to what it could be. I bent to wipe it up and then I saw it. The crock of sauerkraut was full to the brim and overflowing like a waterfall. DRAT. It was so full and heavy that all I could do was wipe around it and wait until S came home to help out.
I had gotten most of the cabbage juice mess cleaned up. I wasn't happy about how it all turned out, but it reminded me that even when we have the best intentions and do things exactly to 'the plan', it doesn't always work out. It's a simple lesson that I've experienced hundreds of times, but I guess I needed another reminder - perhaps, poignantly as I was carrying out the beginning step of what will likely be a 'forever change' in our eating habits.
It was as if God was saying, even in this area of your life, you still need me as your Saviour. Sigh. How true.
Now, only a few hours away from bedtime, the mess is contained, the cabbage is still fermenting and my expectations (and pride) are back in check. Hopefully, it will still turn out in the end. If not - lesson learned - WAIT longer before adding more brine!
xo,
J
soli deo gloria
I borrowed one my mother-in-law's huge enamel crocks when we were up at their farm for Thanksgiving. My dearest love, (AKA code name 'S') helped me sterilize it and set it up to receive about 10 pounds of cabbage. I boiled and sanitized all of the chopping utensils and boards - not to mention the counters, weights for the crock and my hands.
I chopped and chopped. I weighed and measured out salt. I stuffed and stuffed. I chopped and then chopped some more. It wasn't more than two hours all together, really. In the end the humongous crock was full of salted cabbage. I weighed it down like the internet directions said. I waited for a few hours to see if there would be enough cabbage/salt juices to cover itself. When there wasn't about an hour before bedtime I added some brine. I covered it and let it set to ferment. I was thrilled with the progress and excited to wait for the prescribed time for my lovely sauerkaut.
Then today happened.
I was merrily going about making some blueberry lacto-ferment jam (which should be ready in only a day or so!!!), keeping the kids relatively happy and engaged in their activities, and making sure the cheerios that had been spilled at breakfast were at least contained and not becoming dust tracked about the house.
Things were looking up, and then I looked down. There was a mysterious puddle underneath the babe's bouncy chair. What in the world could it be? There was nothing on the chair that could have leaked, and no other signs as to what it could be. I bent to wipe it up and then I saw it. The crock of sauerkraut was full to the brim and overflowing like a waterfall. DRAT. It was so full and heavy that all I could do was wipe around it and wait until S came home to help out.
I had gotten most of the cabbage juice mess cleaned up. I wasn't happy about how it all turned out, but it reminded me that even when we have the best intentions and do things exactly to 'the plan', it doesn't always work out. It's a simple lesson that I've experienced hundreds of times, but I guess I needed another reminder - perhaps, poignantly as I was carrying out the beginning step of what will likely be a 'forever change' in our eating habits.
It was as if God was saying, even in this area of your life, you still need me as your Saviour. Sigh. How true.
Now, only a few hours away from bedtime, the mess is contained, the cabbage is still fermenting and my expectations (and pride) are back in check. Hopefully, it will still turn out in the end. If not - lesson learned - WAIT longer before adding more brine!
xo,
J
soli deo gloria
Sunday, October 20, 2013
A New Start.
I've blogged before. I've even tried to blog intentionally before.
This probably won't be any different, but who knows? I might surprise myself.
I like to do quite a few things. I love to bake and cook. I love working with my hands in crafts that involve yarn, thread, or things of the like. I love my family and have been working towards fostering peace and grace in myself first, and in our home environment so they would have a space to grow in character. I love to read and think. I also love to write and share ideas. I love people - hosting and spending time with and blessing people. Like I said, I love to do quite a few things.
I really want this written space to be a window into some of me. I am a stay-at-home mother of three who doesn't get out as much as I probably should, so, adult conversation is at an all time low. Having a blog, or a place to share more mature ideas and thoughts feels like a much needed outlet.
So. Welcome. Hope you enjoy journeying with me one post at a time :)
xo,
J
soli deo gloria
This probably won't be any different, but who knows? I might surprise myself.
I like to do quite a few things. I love to bake and cook. I love working with my hands in crafts that involve yarn, thread, or things of the like. I love my family and have been working towards fostering peace and grace in myself first, and in our home environment so they would have a space to grow in character. I love to read and think. I also love to write and share ideas. I love people - hosting and spending time with and blessing people. Like I said, I love to do quite a few things.
I really want this written space to be a window into some of me. I am a stay-at-home mother of three who doesn't get out as much as I probably should, so, adult conversation is at an all time low. Having a blog, or a place to share more mature ideas and thoughts feels like a much needed outlet.
So. Welcome. Hope you enjoy journeying with me one post at a time :)
xo,
J
soli deo gloria
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)