For each of my kids I have either knit or crocheted (or a little of both) a blanket. For My Buddy (aka the oldest) it's a huge striped waffle pattern that perfectly matches his made by me quilt. Little Red has a smaller fancy cabled lace blanket with a girly lacey edge. My youngest, or Little Bird, has a super delicate lace blanket made from sock wool and done on fairly small needles. Each has been a labour of love. The pattern was picked out, yarn purchased, and then cast on. Each was probably pulled off the needles or taken apart at least five times or even the pattern switched because I just didn't get it or there were mistakes in the pattern.
They were all completed before the big day and have since been used and loved almost every day of their lives. Buddy's lives on his bed and looks unlovely. Because of some of his hyper-stimulation needs, he's pulled out all the knots and strings that I wove in (praise God I actually knotted them instead of JUST weaving them in) and twists them incessantly around his fingers. He's also sucked/chewed a hole in a few places, so it has been sewn back together a few times. It may not look lovely, but it is loved.
Little Red has been more gentle with her bamboo and silk blanket. She cuddles it close or lays on it every night while she sleeps. It's nappy and pilled. It's scrunched and mushed. It still looks pretty good, but you can tell it has been well used.
Little Bird's blanket lives by the door on a hook. We use it on the colder days when she has to go in the car. Since she's only almost 6 months her sweet little blanket is still in pretty good shape. It is warped and stretched a little bit and it just doesn't look new anymore.
All three of the blankets are doing exactly what I hoped they would - keep my kids warm and help them feel loved.
There is one blanket, though, that has made a permanent home on top of my dresser. This sturdy green, white, and brown striped blanket has not kept anyone warm. The yarn for this one was bought the day I went for blood work to make sure our baby was okay. I was hopeful and excited. The results for that blood work and consequent ultrasound were less than stellar.
I, with Buddy, had just flown to my parents house for Christmas. S was coming a week later. When I got there I hadn't been feeling well and had no idea why. A trip to the doctor and I was shocked. Pregnant?! How could I be pregnant? I was on birth control! I was still exclusively nursing a baby who was only about 4 months old! It was crazy, and I was so very surprised. I called S with the news and we both became excited!
That night I started spotting. I called S back, sobbing. My mom slept with me that night. We went back to the doctor the next day and he ordered the blood work and ultrasound. S got on the plane and joined me at my parents. I was put on bedrest. We were still hopeful, but sobered.
Christmas came and went. The test results came back. We were not going to be needing the yarn that we bought.
I decided that even this child that I would never know needed a blanket. I picked a super simple pattern and finished it. It helped me grieve. It gave me a physical piece of this baby that I could hold. This fetus was no longer just a passing idea or thing to forget. This was my child, and he (as we imagine) had a memorial. The blanket has not warped or stretched. It's not nappy or pilled. It hasn't been chewed through or twisted to pieces.
It still looks lovely, and that is perhaps the most sad part about it. It is lovely, but it represents love.
xo,
J
soli deo gloria
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