When Enough Is Not Enough

After I wrote yesterday's post, I continued to stew over the idea. I came to the conclusion that sometimes enough is not enough.

Sometimes we really do need to step up and champion a cause or a movement or an ideal or perhaps even a revolution.

God has gifted us with different interests and desires. He's given us different giftings and abilities. We must use them - not enough, but to their fullest. We cannot let good be the killer of best.

For me, this looks like so many different things. I've changed my beauty routine completely and had started a blog about how to rid ourselves of toxic things. It was a grand exercise in bringing awareness. The thing is, it came to an end. I've made the changes, they aren't monumental any more. I'm still always on the lookout for things that are toxin-free or less toxic and enjoy talking about them or sharing them.

In that same vein, I have stepped back and we try to eliminate all processed food from our diet. I make almost everything from scratch. It cuts back on added preservatives and crazy non-digestibles (like cellulose) and keeps my family healthier. (though, if you were to check out my menu tonight it would be a huge contradiction - perogies  and sausage [though the sausage is from my in-laws and made from wild meat])

More recently, S and I are becoming aware of fair trade foods and clothing and other ethical purchases we can make. We're starting to make decisions based around whether the thing we need is a necessity or commodity or an extravagance. It's not easy. We're still learning. We're also learning about how to talk about the choices we make with other people and not be silent.

Another one is understanding and compassion for those with kids who are atypical. This one is super new, but so close to home we cannot ignore it.

There are other issues that touch my heart but do not have the wherewithal or the platform to do much else besides pray and support in those ways. Those are the Enough is Enough category.

Everyone's categories are different, but everyone has the categories. I'm big on potential and potential realized. I really want to be able to talk through or help out how I can. I really REALLY want to see people, in God's strength, moving forward and doing more than enough.


xo,
J

soli deo gloria

When Enough is Enough

Often times I'm struck with how God works on people. I just finished a book called 'Lucky'. It was about the beatitudes and framing them around the word lucky (as the author explains that is how it is in the Greek) - For example, How lucky are you who mourn, for you will be comforted.  Interesting how it kind of changes the perspective, eh?

One of the last chapters talked a ton about social justice and how it needs to be based around something, not just 'morals'. It was a great eye widener. How often do we impose our morals on others? ...and the thing is, where do those morals come from? For the most part, I would say mine are biblical, but they have a huge healthy dose of North American culture.

As I hinted in my last post, social justice has been percolating in my head for quite some time. S graciously listened to me passionately rant and talk and cry and so on for a couple of hours last Sunday. There are so many issues in our sick world: the sex trade, poverty, rampant disease, racism, greed/gluttony pushing sales, etc. 

So many of those issues though are related. For example, (I know I'm over-simplifying) disease and poverty.  In cases of extreme poverty where there is lack of clean water, disease is often extremely prevalent. I listed to a TED talk about diarrhea once - it claimed that it is the number one or two killer in the entire world. Isn't that crazy?! It's a symptom of a much greater issue, a canary in a huge mine, if you will.

Talking about these issues doesn't do anything to rectify them.  Bringing awareness is great, but again, doesn't really do anything. Educating the masses is the same.  What changes things? I submit that these things along with personal choice does change things.

Enter "Enough Is Enough". It is an idea.  It asks the question 'is enough, enough?' Is what we have on our plate at supper time enough, or too much? Do we have enough clothing, or too little, or too much? Is the time we spend online enough, or too much? Are we giving enough? Are we sleeping enough? Are we praying enough? Is our level of global awareness enough?

You get the picture. It is simply the first question. It's not the answer to all of these social justice issues. It is, though, something each and every one of us can do. When we live within our means, let our awareness change our action, and actively look for the next step, we can actually address that which is unbecoming in our world.

For me, this is changing so much of what I think about and do. Am I closing my computer enough? Ha - no. Can I start? Yes. Am I exercising enough? Almost. Can I do more? Yeah, if I get off the computer ; ) .  That's just the beginning!

How about you? When is enough, enough?

xo,
J

soli deo gloria

In Sickness and In Health

The last few days I have been flat out.  It has been a rough time full of kleenex, fevers, and tears. The oldest of my kids seemed to get a lighter version and has already bounced back, me, on the other hand, still have sniffles and aches.

S and I did not have traditional wedding vows. We didn't do the whole 'have and to hold...in sickness and in health..' Yet, this weekend, S stuck by me. He suggested baths, brought me advil, and made sure we had enough tissues in the house. He also started laundry, watched Disney movies with the kids, and listened to my tear-filled passionate diatribe about injustice.

While we didn't vow about sickness and in health, here are our vows:

S:
I, S, take you, J, to be my wedded wife. With deepest joy I receive you in my life that together we may be one. As is Christ to His body, the church, so I will be to you a loving and faithful husband. Always will I perform my headship over you with my deepest love, my fullest devotion, and my most tender care. I promise I will live first unto God rather than others or even you. I promise that I will lead our lives into a lif of faith and hope in Christ Jesus. Ever honouring God's guidance by His Spirit through the Word, and so throughout life, no matter what may lie ahead of us, I pledge to you my life as a loving and faithful husband.

J:
I, J, take you, S, to be my wedded husband. With deepest joy I come into my new life with you. As you have pledged to me your life and love, so I too happily give you my life, and in confidence, submit myself to your headship as to the Lord. As is the church in her relationship to Christ, so I will be to you. S, I will live first unto our God, and then unto you, loving you, obeying you, caring for you, and seeking to please you. God has prepared me for you and so I will ever strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you. Therefor, throughout life, no matter what may be ahead of us, I pledge my life as an obedient and faithful wife.


Amazing, isn't it?  Impossible, isn't it?  We have failed so many times, even recently. But, you know what? It's been an amazing journey - one that continues on. We are a picture of Christ and his Church. We are an imperfect picture, but an example nonetheless. I am glad that we are both committed to each other no matter what comes. I am glad that when we hurt each other and live away from these vows, there is forgiveness and eventual restoration. I'm also glad that there are days where we do live perfectly in our vows (by God's grace).

I am glad that Christ and the Church is a perfect marriage. That the vows that HE makes and already has made will never be broken.

My heart is full (and so is my nose),
xo,
J

soli deo gloria

Created to Create

Over the last few months, S and I have made so many changes. Our housing, our life plans, and other big things as well.

It's funny, I haven't really had the time to process all of this until quite recently. I was just recounting to friends of ours the ordeal we went through with 'The Hole' (aka the apartment we moved away from). It felt surreal - like I was telling a story of someone else. That sentiment is crazy! While we were still there, it felt like the whole world was crashing down around us.

We are in such a better place that we've actually been able to breathe. I've also been able to start different things that I love to do, that aren't 'just' keeping my hands/brain busy. For instance, while we were moving or while I was super sick in pregnancy, I would knit. I knit and knit and knit. I knocked out stockings, slippers, blankets, capes, and a slough of other things. It was great and productive, but external and busy-work, if you will.

Now, my activities are becoming introspective. I've begun journaling, singing, and creative writing again.  In the business of life, I had forgotten how much I enjoy creativity that isn't constrained by a pattern or ideals. Recently, I even painted a gift! How good it felt to hold a paintbrush and make something.

I've been reminded that, though it may seem superfluous, it is important! We were created to interact with our surroundings, to appreciate beauty! They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery - well it could also be said, then, that creating is praising our Creator.

Here is a sample of some of what I've been writing:

Invisible Captive

The cries are getting louder

My hands move to cover my ears

The actions and reactions are so noisy

They make me shudder inside

I defend, I offend.

I offend, I defend.

It is exhausting.

Fear of provoking the untamed

goes unchecked and unexplored

Pushing on invisible boundaries that hold him captive

hoping one day to find an open door

One day hope reigns

The next it ebbs

A joy here

a sorrow there

Life moves on.

Protection stunts,

Goading harms,

Encouraging only goes so far

A snap of the fingers

to justify the unfortunate

uproots,

unhinges,

undermines

The cries are getting louder

I refuse to cover my ears

The life in those anguished tones

cause my eyes to wide



XO,
J

soli deo gloria

Learning Lessons of Living

Yesterday, we had my son's occupational therapist come visit us at our house. It was an excellent afternoon. We sung songs, played with trains, and talked. She and I talked so much my throat was dry and kinda hurt.

It was good to ask questions and get relevant answers. It was good to hear how well Buddy's been doing at school. It was good to know we seem to be on the right track in what we have been working on!

But...

I've found every time we've met with a professional who has insight about the diverse world of non-neurotypical kids, it's just like they are wiping just one more layer of mud off of a filthy pane of glass. We can see more clearly through it, but there still needs to be more and more and more wiping before we have the whole or clear picture.

I always find the insight to be helpful and encouraging. The questions the doctors or therapists or whomever ask can be hard to answer, as they can reveal how deeply ingrained some of the tendencies or even maladaptive behaviours are. They may be hard, but my goodness, they are helpful. Because they can see patterns and have a greater understanding of brain chemistry and physiology, these tremendous people can help put some of my fears for my son's future in a better perspective.

Yesterday, we had another lesson in humility and hopefulness. It was wonderful, and I feel ready to implement the next step or two.

XO,
J

soli deo gloria

Then and Now

Six months ago I was sitting in church counting contractions. The family who was supposed to watch our two older children were away. I made it through the service and talked to two of our friends about what was going on. They had noticed that I wasn't doing so well in the service.

They agreed to come over for lunch and wait with our kids until we could either get a hold of our back-up person for the kids.

A few hours later, after being hooked up to fetal monitors and the machine that graphs contractions, we were sent home. It was a disappointing relief.

We were scheduled to move a week and a half later. We weren't thrilled with the condo/apartment that we would be renting, but it felt like the only option at the time. We had found it through the nurse who checked me in at the obstetrician office.

The next day, May 6, just before lunch, my water broke. I had asked S to go in to work, but to be available should anything happen.  I was frantic. I wasn't really having contractions, but I knew that in, most likely, under 12 hours I was going to be a mother of three!

I skyped my mother and set her up on the table to 'hang out' with the kids while they munched on crackers. I called the family to watch the kids - they weren't home. I called our back-up. He got there before S did! I was running around trying to get everything together. I forgot to eat.

A few panic attacks and pushes later, Little Bird was born. Less than 10 hours later from our first sight of her, we got to go home. I hadn't slept from the time I got up the previous morning until I crashed on our bed once we got home.

She was a bright spot on some very dark days for us.

We moved, as scheduled. Things started going wrong all over the place. From renovations being incomplete, to the power supply to the house being wonky, to un-trustwothy landlords. Our son was getting more and more anxious and acting out. I was being spread thinner and thinner and breaking down often.

We had to make some huge life decisions. Little Bird has some kidney issues, Buddy had diagnosing appointments, and I was working through triggers for panic attacks and anxiety. We decided to step back (for a time) from our current life plan of moving over seas in the next year. We decided to buy a house (and by God's grace, we were released from the black hole of the apartment). We decided to get our son into an early intervention class that will help him cope and grow in several areas.

It was a crazy time. It's surreal to me, now. So much was unfortunate. So much was unpleasant. So much threatened to pull us under and leave us there. Bleak didn't even begin to describe how we felt the situation was.

Now, looking back, I am grateful. God has carried us through. We saw His hand guiding us and lifting our face.

We are now in a much better place. Our new house is a dream. Little Bird still has kidney issues, but they seem to be resolving on their own (we hope to get a confirmation of that in a month!!). Buddy is in his class and loving it, as well as already making some small steps of progress! S and I have carved out time every week to just be us and ground our family again.

Not everything is rosy, but our Saviour hasn't returned yet, has He?

 Another thing I was able to do since we moved, was take some specific time and dig into His Word. One thing really stuck out to me as I was reading through the Old Testament - God is a God of remembrance. He had his people set up memorials often to remind them of His faithfulness. I was convicted by this.  How can I do something similar in this day and age? I don't really know. I've been mulling it over in my head and coming up blank. For now, I'm writing things down. Some day soon, I'm hoping to do something a bit more like the Isrealites did - set something up that their children would feel the NEED to ask about, and so they would HAVE to explain it. If you have any ideas, shoot 'em my way :)

sorry this was a bit of a ramble,
xo,
J

soli deo gloria

Something from 'Nothing'

That there is picture proof that my kitchen scrap gardening is actually working. Now, though, I have to admit that I don't think I'll actually get anything edible from that spindly little vine on the right.  It's a chickpea or garbanzo bean plant.

I haven't researched how to grow either of these things. I noticed, at one point when I had accidentally left a soaked un-cooked chickpea in my sink, that it sprouted! I figured, if something can sprout in such unfavourable conditions as my kitchen sink, then I couldn't harm it in giving it a little care and soil.

The garlic was already sprouted when I took it out of its papery layers, and again, I figured I wouldn't be harming it by giving it a little love. I've since looked up home grown counter-top garlic and you can eat the green part - it's called garlic scapes, and apparently tastes mild and onion-y.  I haven't tried it, but I soon will :)

It's funny, the majority of us would have discarded these scraps and not thought about it again. They had no value, they were garbage!

But were they? No! They have the potential for so much more. Even without eating them at some later date, they have brought me happiness just by watching them grow!  In  a few more weeks or even months (who knows?) they might bring something more than 'just' aesthetic pleasure! I'm not sure if they will or not, but even the anticipation is fun.

There are so many inferences I could put words to about how we are similar to these little plants, but I'll just give one:

How often do people feel like garbage and they are just sitting forgotten in the sink?  It really doesn't take much to pull someone out of the dumps and give them a little love, does it? The biggest thing, I think, is to look past conventional sight, and see potential and nourish it.

How can you nourish today?

xo,
J

soli deo gloria

The First Taste

So, it's been two weeks since I first salted and brined my cabbage. Now is the prescribed time to move my humongous crock to a cooler environment to slow down the fermentation process. The internet said that now was also the perfect time to taste the ferment to see how things were going.

Today, with trepidation, I opened my makeshift lid and was greeted with a grody smell.  Great, I thought, it's ruined.  Upon further inspection, I found it to be mold-less.  That in itself is an excellent sign. Almost all of the articles I've read about lacto-fermentation says that mold will appear, and don't worry about it, just skim it off. (or, the more fear-mongering type posts, have said TOSS the whole batch... I've done lots and lots of reading, and am in the 'skim and keep' camp) I pulled out the weights, lifted the top, protecting leaves of cabbage, and low and behold, was sauerkraut! Or at least fermented cabbage WELL on its way to becoming sauerkraut!

I ate some.  OH my goodness. It is amazing!  I really like sauerkraut in the first place. I have, however, only ever had store-bought before. There is a HUGE difference. First off, conventional stuff is not really sauerkraut, it's more like pickled cabbage - that's because it's degraded in vinegar, not brine.  Second off, the cultures and enzymes that make sauerkraut SO good for you are killed in the canning process. 

This sauerkraut tastes similar to the store-bought stuff, but more mellow, richer, and has the best texture ever. I was sincerely surprised. I made S try some. He was also pleasantly surprised.

I am thrilled.

XO,
J

soli deo gloria

Update on our computer: It got rebooted somehow - I think through one of those automatic updates.  Everything magically reappeared.  I have no idea what happened.  S is going to be doing a full backup and then we are going to wipe this thing clean and replace things on the hard drive.  :)