It's funny, I haven't really had the time to process all of this until quite recently. I was just recounting to friends of ours the ordeal we went through with 'The Hole' (aka the apartment we moved away from). It felt surreal - like I was telling a story of someone else. That sentiment is crazy! While we were still there, it felt like the whole world was crashing down around us.
We are in such a better place that we've actually been able to breathe. I've also been able to start different things that I love to do, that aren't 'just' keeping my hands/brain busy. For instance, while we were moving or while I was super sick in pregnancy, I would knit. I knit and knit and knit. I knocked out stockings, slippers, blankets, capes, and a slough of other things. It was great and productive, but external and busy-work, if you will.
Now, my activities are becoming introspective. I've begun journaling, singing, and creative writing again. In the business of life, I had forgotten how much I enjoy creativity that isn't constrained by a pattern or ideals. Recently, I even painted a gift! How good it felt to hold a paintbrush and make something.
I've been reminded that, though it may seem superfluous, it is important! We were created to interact with our surroundings, to appreciate beauty! They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery - well it could also be said, then, that creating is praising our Creator.
Here is a sample of some of what I've been writing:
Invisible Captive
The cries are getting louder
My hands move to cover my ears
The actions and reactions are so noisy
They make me shudder inside
I defend, I offend.
I offend, I defend.
It is exhausting.
Fear of provoking the untamed
goes unchecked and unexplored
Pushing on invisible boundaries that
hold him captive
hoping one day to find an open door
One day hope reigns
The next it ebbs
A joy here
a sorrow there
Life moves on.
Protection stunts,
Goading harms,
Encouraging only goes so far
A snap of the fingers
to justify the unfortunate
uproots,
unhinges,
undermines
The cries are getting louder
I refuse to cover my ears
The life in those anguished tones
cause my eyes to wide
XO,
J
soli deo gloria
XO,
J
soli deo gloria
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