Created to Create

Over the last few months, S and I have made so many changes. Our housing, our life plans, and other big things as well.

It's funny, I haven't really had the time to process all of this until quite recently. I was just recounting to friends of ours the ordeal we went through with 'The Hole' (aka the apartment we moved away from). It felt surreal - like I was telling a story of someone else. That sentiment is crazy! While we were still there, it felt like the whole world was crashing down around us.

We are in such a better place that we've actually been able to breathe. I've also been able to start different things that I love to do, that aren't 'just' keeping my hands/brain busy. For instance, while we were moving or while I was super sick in pregnancy, I would knit. I knit and knit and knit. I knocked out stockings, slippers, blankets, capes, and a slough of other things. It was great and productive, but external and busy-work, if you will.

Now, my activities are becoming introspective. I've begun journaling, singing, and creative writing again.  In the business of life, I had forgotten how much I enjoy creativity that isn't constrained by a pattern or ideals. Recently, I even painted a gift! How good it felt to hold a paintbrush and make something.

I've been reminded that, though it may seem superfluous, it is important! We were created to interact with our surroundings, to appreciate beauty! They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery - well it could also be said, then, that creating is praising our Creator.

Here is a sample of some of what I've been writing:

Invisible Captive

The cries are getting louder

My hands move to cover my ears

The actions and reactions are so noisy

They make me shudder inside

I defend, I offend.

I offend, I defend.

It is exhausting.

Fear of provoking the untamed

goes unchecked and unexplored

Pushing on invisible boundaries that hold him captive

hoping one day to find an open door

One day hope reigns

The next it ebbs

A joy here

a sorrow there

Life moves on.

Protection stunts,

Goading harms,

Encouraging only goes so far

A snap of the fingers

to justify the unfortunate

uproots,

unhinges,

undermines

The cries are getting louder

I refuse to cover my ears

The life in those anguished tones

cause my eyes to wide



XO,
J

soli deo gloria