Over the last few weeks God has been working on my heart. It's been a wonderfully healing kind of pain. I've told you before about how I stink at doing housework and a majority of domestic tasks. I've chalked it up to so many different things ranging from forgetfulness to pain in my knee to little hands that get in the way. Some were legitimate reasons, others legitimate excuses, but really, it came down to something a little more..how shall I say it nicely? ....oh wait, let's not sugarcoat this: SINFUL!
Let's give a few muscles to the skeleton of a story I just presented to you.
Over the last few weeks/months different videos, articles, conversations, and so on have come my way that have highlighted the need for mastering basic skills before taking on the final project. Let me expound with a musical example:
A pianist does not play scales at a recital, they play a masterpiece by a maestro who also did not play scales and count time in front of the masses. The hours and hours of practicing scales and simple pieces gave them a foundation to build harder pieces of music upon. People like Jazz musicians probably know this the best. They not only have to know a piece, but how the different notes interplay with each other inside and out so that when their turn for improvisation comes up it produces wonderful resolving dissonances and harmonies! If these musicians did not have a basic understanding of music, but simply memorized large compositions, they would not sound as beautiful, they would sound mechanical or even worse.
Same goes for housework, or anything, really. You have to have the basics down before you have a showstopping worthy performance...or daily life.
Here comes my conviction. I love...LOVE hosting people. I love cooking and serving tea and cakes. I love making things that make people feel special and loved. I love it when people feel free to pop in unannounced and just have tea and visiting with me. (that is hard given Buddy's particular anxiety's, but on school days....totally different story!) But, the thing with unannounced guests is that my house is often painfully untidy. S make take that pronouncement a bit further and call it messy.
About three weeks ago, I spontaneously invited someone over for supper. It had been a chaotic week, so things were a little worse than normal, but S and I blitzed a tiny bit before she got here and at least swept the crumbs out of the way (literally, they weren't swept up, but swept over to the side of the room!! AH!). We still had dishes from a day or two prior sitting in the sink and so on. She enjoyed supper with us, and I even persuaded her to stay overnight! It's a very Turkish thing to do - ask your guests to stay over instead of having them leave. We made samosas and hung out all the next day too, and she stayed another night.
...the thing is, she helped me clean. While she enjoyed doing it, and it was a huge blessing for me to have a hand doing it, it made me realize that my mess, even when hastily contained affects people in my home. I need to practice the scales of my home before I can go out for my recital of welcoming.
I used to think I was good at hospitality. Now I realize that my 'performance' has been a little flat. I need to practice the basics and get them down pat before people really feel not only welcome, but comfortable in my home.
This conviction branches out in so many other directions too - things like writing - you need to know spelling and grammar before you can write a novel. You need to know how to cut up vegetables before you can make ratatoullie. ..and so on.
Most of all, I think this has hit me (besides my housework) in the idea of God department. Do I know His love? Do I know his grace? ...etc. or do I "just" dabble in highfalutin theology that I think has foundation, but don't really know it? Is the foundation solid? Back to the awe-inspiring basic.
How about you? Does this hit home at all? In what way?
Straining ahead,
J
Soli Deo Gloria
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Monday, February 9, 2015
A Cultured post...with updates!
'Member how I made a second batch of sauerkraut? 'Member how excited I was that it was two heads of garden fresh cabbage: one green on red?
Well....let's just say it was a big ol' flop. My excitement over it is only rivaled, now, by the disappointment of the first bite. It...was...gross. Maybe I should make that GROSS. My kids ate a bite or two and so did S, but that was it. We have decided to toss out this latest culture. Us toss something? I promise you, it really is THAT gross.
Where did we go wrong?
I think I let the water level get too low once. I put it in a lass jar, but didn't put it in a super dark place. I mixed the cabbages. I...made a bunch of mistakes.
It is super sad to me. Especially because I had no idea until that first wretched taste. Months of culturing amounted to a jar full of yuck. Guess I really should invest in one of those lovely enamel crocks for my next adventure in food cultures!
Anyway! On to the more exciting updates!
I've put aside my gorgeous wool that is currently being tangled into a lacey sweater, and started a different raglan sweater from yarn my parents got me for Christmas. Again, they gave me a sweater that requires some assemblage. Hm...good thing I love doing it! It's a simple repeating pattern. I made it more complicated because I made the pattern smaller, and it was NOT written to do so. I finagled my way around it, and now am about half-way through! Hooray!
My finished book list for my New Year's resolution is growing substantionally! Yesterday alone I finished TWO! Hooray! I'm starting another today (Overwhelmed: winning the war against worry by Perry Noble). We'll see how it goes. I have few others started as well - one really complicated (Moby Dick) one a bit less, but still a classic (Man in the Iron Mask) and then a more easy to read one when I need down time for my brain (Watching the Tree Limbs by Mary Demuth). It's not too hard for me to keep all of them going at once. It keeps me interested in all of them, really.
As for my own book: I have writer's block. ugh. It's more like I have too high of standards and I'm not living up to them right now. I want depth and strong characters, but I'm ending up with tedious fluff. I'm hoping to put out a few pages in the next week or so, or at least add more of the ideas and then flesh them out, but we'll see. I've also been sidetracked by the other million ideas in my head and have pushed out 4 short stories. Okay, not four complete ones, but 2 complete and 2 half (or more) done. I have more ideas crowding into my brain even now. I probably would have finished more, but our computer is still out of commission and this dinosaur of a computer drives me batty for writing. S's computer is compatible with dropbox, so I'll be able to do more when he gets home in the evenings.
Memorizing James: this has been uber slow going for me. I don't know why. It just is. I think, again, the standards I'm setting are getting in the way. You see, I don't really want to 'just' memorize. I want to be passionately involved with the verses, not passively checking off the 'done' box that it is secure in my brain. Sigh. I have about the first ten verses, I think.
Overall, I think progress is being made everywhere. How are you doing in sticking to your resolutions, if you made any?
XO,
J
Soli Deo Gloria!
Well....let's just say it was a big ol' flop. My excitement over it is only rivaled, now, by the disappointment of the first bite. It...was...gross. Maybe I should make that GROSS. My kids ate a bite or two and so did S, but that was it. We have decided to toss out this latest culture. Us toss something? I promise you, it really is THAT gross.
Where did we go wrong?
I think I let the water level get too low once. I put it in a lass jar, but didn't put it in a super dark place. I mixed the cabbages. I...made a bunch of mistakes.
It is super sad to me. Especially because I had no idea until that first wretched taste. Months of culturing amounted to a jar full of yuck. Guess I really should invest in one of those lovely enamel crocks for my next adventure in food cultures!
Anyway! On to the more exciting updates!
I've put aside my gorgeous wool that is currently being tangled into a lacey sweater, and started a different raglan sweater from yarn my parents got me for Christmas. Again, they gave me a sweater that requires some assemblage. Hm...good thing I love doing it! It's a simple repeating pattern. I made it more complicated because I made the pattern smaller, and it was NOT written to do so. I finagled my way around it, and now am about half-way through! Hooray!
My finished book list for my New Year's resolution is growing substantionally! Yesterday alone I finished TWO! Hooray! I'm starting another today (Overwhelmed: winning the war against worry by Perry Noble). We'll see how it goes. I have few others started as well - one really complicated (Moby Dick) one a bit less, but still a classic (Man in the Iron Mask) and then a more easy to read one when I need down time for my brain (Watching the Tree Limbs by Mary Demuth). It's not too hard for me to keep all of them going at once. It keeps me interested in all of them, really.
As for my own book: I have writer's block. ugh. It's more like I have too high of standards and I'm not living up to them right now. I want depth and strong characters, but I'm ending up with tedious fluff. I'm hoping to put out a few pages in the next week or so, or at least add more of the ideas and then flesh them out, but we'll see. I've also been sidetracked by the other million ideas in my head and have pushed out 4 short stories. Okay, not four complete ones, but 2 complete and 2 half (or more) done. I have more ideas crowding into my brain even now. I probably would have finished more, but our computer is still out of commission and this dinosaur of a computer drives me batty for writing. S's computer is compatible with dropbox, so I'll be able to do more when he gets home in the evenings.
Memorizing James: this has been uber slow going for me. I don't know why. It just is. I think, again, the standards I'm setting are getting in the way. You see, I don't really want to 'just' memorize. I want to be passionately involved with the verses, not passively checking off the 'done' box that it is secure in my brain. Sigh. I have about the first ten verses, I think.
Overall, I think progress is being made everywhere. How are you doing in sticking to your resolutions, if you made any?
XO,
J
Soli Deo Gloria!
Friday, February 6, 2015
A Helping Hand
I was folding laundry today (shocking, I know...especially since it's not even 10), and I asked Little Red to help me sort the bibs and the kid washcloths out from the kitchen towels and other towels. She did such a good job. After she finished, she asked if she could try. I wasn't quite sure what she wanted to try, nor if it would be a great experience.
I got down on the floor and gave held up the small washcloth and showed her how to fold a simple square in half then in half again. She was so excited to try it! She tried my way and could not get it. I do it up in the air and fairly quickly. I changed the way and she could do it excellently.
She sat there for probably 15 minutes laying out the little washcloths on her legs then folding them one way then another. It was super sweet. She is so determined to get it right and make them pretty, not just haphazard and however they end up.
Once she finished, she asked if she could do it all over again. By all means, Little Red! Practice away!
It's kind of a picture of us and God, isn't it? He is doing something and he gives us the opportunity to help. We don't do it very well his way, 'cause let's face it, we are not Him. Then he gives us simpler directions (or a different way altogether) and watches us with joy on his face. As we keep practicing the task that He gives us under his watchful, and correcting eye, we get better and better...until He introduces a newer, related, but harder task. Then we get to continue on in our sanctifying journey.
While it's not a perfect picture, I am grateful for my "good laundry-er" today.
XO,
J
Soli Deo Gloria!
I got down on the floor and gave held up the small washcloth and showed her how to fold a simple square in half then in half again. She was so excited to try it! She tried my way and could not get it. I do it up in the air and fairly quickly. I changed the way and she could do it excellently.
She sat there for probably 15 minutes laying out the little washcloths on her legs then folding them one way then another. It was super sweet. She is so determined to get it right and make them pretty, not just haphazard and however they end up.
Once she finished, she asked if she could do it all over again. By all means, Little Red! Practice away!
It's kind of a picture of us and God, isn't it? He is doing something and he gives us the opportunity to help. We don't do it very well his way, 'cause let's face it, we are not Him. Then he gives us simpler directions (or a different way altogether) and watches us with joy on his face. As we keep practicing the task that He gives us under his watchful, and correcting eye, we get better and better...until He introduces a newer, related, but harder task. Then we get to continue on in our sanctifying journey.
While it's not a perfect picture, I am grateful for my "good laundry-er" today.
XO,
J
Soli Deo Gloria!
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Overwhelmed
Not so long ago, I was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder. It's an anxiety disorder that basically means that how I perceive the world by my senses is out of whack from the average person. This comes out, for me, in a number of different ways - things like background noise really impairs my ability to focus, so if there's music on in the car or lots of people talking at a party, I have a hard time having conversations, it's not impossible, but it takes incredible mental effort to do so. There are other things like I have a hard time judging where my body is in space, so learning to do yoga or pilates or even dance steps is difficult and I take forever to do it. Seriously, it took me something like 45 minutes to learn the simple grapevine!
There are a bunch of other ways I'm outta whack. Last night, though, was probably the first time since I was diagnosed that I really SAW how SPD really overwhelms my system. Here's what happened:
I was tired from a few nights of not sleeping well, and decided to make a simple supper of roast and potatoes. It's simple 'cause I can just throw it together than toss it in the oven. The house was heating up from the oven, and the smell from the meat cooking was pretty powerful. The girls have been sick for a while, and where extra whiny and in tears over small things. The majority of my senses were being assaulted, and my body was kicking into fight/flight stage - my anxiety was on the rise. The thing is, I didn't realize it. I was busy with supper and the kids and getting ready for an appointment. By the time I ate supper I was beat. I was starting to mentally withdraw, so S graciously let me go lay down for a while. I got a little better, but still was out of sorts.
We got into our new car and things got a bit worse. Since we aren't used to the new systems, the driving wasn't as smooth as usual, so now over stimulating my vestibular system. It was insane. When we got to where we were going, I was experiencing nausea and a tension headache from trying to keep it together while my body felt like it was under full attack.
I made it through the appointment, and back into the car. It was a better, less stimulating ride home, so I had enough capacity left to bid our friend who was watching our kids goodbye. After a short conversation, I was done. I was beyond done. I pulled on a super heavy hoodie and turned out the lights and went to bed, praying for my body to let go of the stress and release my head from the death which was my headache.
It was only in the car on the way home that I even clued in to what was causing all of the symptoms. Once I did I tried to the different things that you are supposed to calm your body, but I was a bit too far gone to recooperate fully.
Today, I'm still feeling the aftershocks while trying to keep the rest of our family life under control. It's hard, but I'm thankful for the grace that God has given me and my husband to deal through this. Being diagnosed has been both the most relieving and damning thing I've experienced. It means I'm not crazy when loud noise turns to static in my head and I can't understand what's happening, it just means that my senses are overwhelmed. It also means that my body is deficient. It's a kind of handicap, really. It means I have to plan well for certain situations and avoid others (like concerts, for instance) all together.
It really reminds me, most of all, that our human condition is deficient. We need help to be whole. We might not know that we are deficient, but when we find out that we are and do the right things (ie. asking for redemptive forgiveness), life opens up in marvelous ways we never could have imagined in our previous state.
Knowing and dealing with SPD has and will be hard, but it is going to make a huge difference in my and my family's life!
If you remember, pray for us!
XO,
J
SDG
There are a bunch of other ways I'm outta whack. Last night, though, was probably the first time since I was diagnosed that I really SAW how SPD really overwhelms my system. Here's what happened:
I was tired from a few nights of not sleeping well, and decided to make a simple supper of roast and potatoes. It's simple 'cause I can just throw it together than toss it in the oven. The house was heating up from the oven, and the smell from the meat cooking was pretty powerful. The girls have been sick for a while, and where extra whiny and in tears over small things. The majority of my senses were being assaulted, and my body was kicking into fight/flight stage - my anxiety was on the rise. The thing is, I didn't realize it. I was busy with supper and the kids and getting ready for an appointment. By the time I ate supper I was beat. I was starting to mentally withdraw, so S graciously let me go lay down for a while. I got a little better, but still was out of sorts.
We got into our new car and things got a bit worse. Since we aren't used to the new systems, the driving wasn't as smooth as usual, so now over stimulating my vestibular system. It was insane. When we got to where we were going, I was experiencing nausea and a tension headache from trying to keep it together while my body felt like it was under full attack.
I made it through the appointment, and back into the car. It was a better, less stimulating ride home, so I had enough capacity left to bid our friend who was watching our kids goodbye. After a short conversation, I was done. I was beyond done. I pulled on a super heavy hoodie and turned out the lights and went to bed, praying for my body to let go of the stress and release my head from the death which was my headache.
It was only in the car on the way home that I even clued in to what was causing all of the symptoms. Once I did I tried to the different things that you are supposed to calm your body, but I was a bit too far gone to recooperate fully.
Today, I'm still feeling the aftershocks while trying to keep the rest of our family life under control. It's hard, but I'm thankful for the grace that God has given me and my husband to deal through this. Being diagnosed has been both the most relieving and damning thing I've experienced. It means I'm not crazy when loud noise turns to static in my head and I can't understand what's happening, it just means that my senses are overwhelmed. It also means that my body is deficient. It's a kind of handicap, really. It means I have to plan well for certain situations and avoid others (like concerts, for instance) all together.
It really reminds me, most of all, that our human condition is deficient. We need help to be whole. We might not know that we are deficient, but when we find out that we are and do the right things (ie. asking for redemptive forgiveness), life opens up in marvelous ways we never could have imagined in our previous state.
Knowing and dealing with SPD has and will be hard, but it is going to make a huge difference in my and my family's life!
If you remember, pray for us!
XO,
J
SDG
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Crazy Times
Over the last two weeks things have broken in our house. Our computer (with alllll of the unbacked-up files...that eventually my dear and wonderful husband was able to recover!!!), a food processor, my Kindle, a smattering of toys, and at least a whole box worth of Cheerios.
The small things weren't so big of a deal, but the Kindle and computer really have been rough for me. We have a backup computer that I'm typing on right now, but it is obsolete, and we're not sure when the technology that we have come to appreciate and depend on will stop being compatible. My Kindle I had to do without. S has the app on his phone, so I was able to read my chapter a day of the companion to my devotions (which was Alone with God by John MacArthur...SO SO SO GOOD! it's about prayer...so wonderful, and now it's Shrewd by Rick Lawrence - which is also incredibly good and about the idea of being shrewd as serpents, but innocent as doves.). BUT! My in-laws sent me a generous gift for my birthday and I was able to replace my Kindle with an updated version. It's been a joy to use, and I am so very grateful.
Our family has also been able to purchase a new (to us) car. God dropped the opportunity in our laps and we took it.We've been squeezing the five of us into a Malibu. Three carseats JUST fit in the backseat- did you know that?! ...now, God led us to a Traverse, which seats 8. EIGHT! So now, you can come ride with us!
The food processor was also replaced because we never use our points accrued from our credit card, so we had a lovely amount built up and ready to be used. It's a lovely new machine that makes the creamiest peanut butter our house has ever seen.
Over the last two weeks, I saw so much brokenness, and I was frustrated and a bit dejected. But then, God stepped in. It was like he slapped my hand and said, "I am providing for you, can't you see?!" and then, to prove his point he started to turn on the faucet at full blast. I've had to let go of my hold on the bottom of the valley and make a break for the surface. I have to come up for air, and with that breath, I can't help but praise.
Things still aren't super peachy in other areas, but God is kind and loving and letting us find rest in his abundance of love.
xo,
J
soli deo gloria
The small things weren't so big of a deal, but the Kindle and computer really have been rough for me. We have a backup computer that I'm typing on right now, but it is obsolete, and we're not sure when the technology that we have come to appreciate and depend on will stop being compatible. My Kindle I had to do without. S has the app on his phone, so I was able to read my chapter a day of the companion to my devotions (which was Alone with God by John MacArthur...SO SO SO GOOD! it's about prayer...so wonderful, and now it's Shrewd by Rick Lawrence - which is also incredibly good and about the idea of being shrewd as serpents, but innocent as doves.). BUT! My in-laws sent me a generous gift for my birthday and I was able to replace my Kindle with an updated version. It's been a joy to use, and I am so very grateful.
Our family has also been able to purchase a new (to us) car. God dropped the opportunity in our laps and we took it.We've been squeezing the five of us into a Malibu. Three carseats JUST fit in the backseat- did you know that?! ...now, God led us to a Traverse, which seats 8. EIGHT! So now, you can come ride with us!
The food processor was also replaced because we never use our points accrued from our credit card, so we had a lovely amount built up and ready to be used. It's a lovely new machine that makes the creamiest peanut butter our house has ever seen.
Over the last two weeks, I saw so much brokenness, and I was frustrated and a bit dejected. But then, God stepped in. It was like he slapped my hand and said, "I am providing for you, can't you see?!" and then, to prove his point he started to turn on the faucet at full blast. I've had to let go of my hold on the bottom of the valley and make a break for the surface. I have to come up for air, and with that breath, I can't help but praise.
Things still aren't super peachy in other areas, but God is kind and loving and letting us find rest in his abundance of love.
xo,
J
soli deo gloria
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)