Then and Now

Six months ago I was sitting in church counting contractions. The family who was supposed to watch our two older children were away. I made it through the service and talked to two of our friends about what was going on. They had noticed that I wasn't doing so well in the service.

They agreed to come over for lunch and wait with our kids until we could either get a hold of our back-up person for the kids.

A few hours later, after being hooked up to fetal monitors and the machine that graphs contractions, we were sent home. It was a disappointing relief.

We were scheduled to move a week and a half later. We weren't thrilled with the condo/apartment that we would be renting, but it felt like the only option at the time. We had found it through the nurse who checked me in at the obstetrician office.

The next day, May 6, just before lunch, my water broke. I had asked S to go in to work, but to be available should anything happen.  I was frantic. I wasn't really having contractions, but I knew that in, most likely, under 12 hours I was going to be a mother of three!

I skyped my mother and set her up on the table to 'hang out' with the kids while they munched on crackers. I called the family to watch the kids - they weren't home. I called our back-up. He got there before S did! I was running around trying to get everything together. I forgot to eat.

A few panic attacks and pushes later, Little Bird was born. Less than 10 hours later from our first sight of her, we got to go home. I hadn't slept from the time I got up the previous morning until I crashed on our bed once we got home.

She was a bright spot on some very dark days for us.

We moved, as scheduled. Things started going wrong all over the place. From renovations being incomplete, to the power supply to the house being wonky, to un-trustwothy landlords. Our son was getting more and more anxious and acting out. I was being spread thinner and thinner and breaking down often.

We had to make some huge life decisions. Little Bird has some kidney issues, Buddy had diagnosing appointments, and I was working through triggers for panic attacks and anxiety. We decided to step back (for a time) from our current life plan of moving over seas in the next year. We decided to buy a house (and by God's grace, we were released from the black hole of the apartment). We decided to get our son into an early intervention class that will help him cope and grow in several areas.

It was a crazy time. It's surreal to me, now. So much was unfortunate. So much was unpleasant. So much threatened to pull us under and leave us there. Bleak didn't even begin to describe how we felt the situation was.

Now, looking back, I am grateful. God has carried us through. We saw His hand guiding us and lifting our face.

We are now in a much better place. Our new house is a dream. Little Bird still has kidney issues, but they seem to be resolving on their own (we hope to get a confirmation of that in a month!!). Buddy is in his class and loving it, as well as already making some small steps of progress! S and I have carved out time every week to just be us and ground our family again.

Not everything is rosy, but our Saviour hasn't returned yet, has He?

 Another thing I was able to do since we moved, was take some specific time and dig into His Word. One thing really stuck out to me as I was reading through the Old Testament - God is a God of remembrance. He had his people set up memorials often to remind them of His faithfulness. I was convicted by this.  How can I do something similar in this day and age? I don't really know. I've been mulling it over in my head and coming up blank. For now, I'm writing things down. Some day soon, I'm hoping to do something a bit more like the Isrealites did - set something up that their children would feel the NEED to ask about, and so they would HAVE to explain it. If you have any ideas, shoot 'em my way :)

sorry this was a bit of a ramble,
xo,
J

soli deo gloria