Stillness

I like to be busy. I have a hard time just sitting still.  When I watch a movie, I'm either holding a baby or knitting, or sometimes even playing a mindless game on the computer.  I even have  a hard time sitting at the table after I finish a meal - usually I get up and start cleaning the kitchen, unless, of course, Little Bird needs to eat, and then I'm feeding her.

Recently, I was memorizing the verse : Be still and know that I am God, I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in all the earth.

It hit me. More like it dug up a battering ram and went at it.

I had to step back. I had to sit down. I had to think.  I came to the realization that some of the reason I am busy, or trying to be busy all the time has to do with fear of stillness and what it brings with it. It also reveals the state of our relationship with God.

Let me elaborate: I was really trying to be perfect in the roles I've been given : mother, wife, homemaker etc. Let's face it, I stink at perfection.  I am a human who has been marred by sin. I forget the laundry in machine, I leave my kids in their PJs most days, I nag S often. The list really could go on ad nauseam. I was trying so hard, and in some ways, I believed I was succeeding. Here lies the catch. I forgot my need of a Saviour. I was trying to do all of it on my own, in my own strength.  I was (and still am a bit) exhausted. I was testy. I was not a pretty picture. In my 'perfection' I let go of repentance and forgiveness. I got angry when my picture of what was to be got interrupted.I got in the way of sanctification - I figured I was doing a good enough job and didn't need help.

I also realized I was playing at being God. I was trying to control and micromanage everything in my life. I didn't (and in some situations still don't) trust God with what He is trying to do in my life. In some ways, it was like I had gotten *really* good at running on  a treadmill, but God was trying to get me to go outside and walk beside the still waters, perhaps even sit down and enjoy the view.

The second half of the verse is : I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in all the earth.

Wow. It's not and if/then. It's not a perhaps or maybe. It's an absolute. He WILL be exalted. I often struggle with doing things for God or not doing things or what I'm supposed to be doing. I forget that I GET to do things WITH God. He doesn't need me to do anything - He can do anything in a blink of an eye. It is a privilege and a joy to obey and even more thrilling - when I fail in my role, HE doesn't!  I am of no consequence in Him being exalted - that is freeing.

Hear me, though. I'm not saying that we are off the hook and need to do absolutely nothing. For me, in this time, I need to be still, and that will be most glorifying to God - it might be different for you.

What is God, in stillness, teaching you?

XO,
J

Soli Deo Gloria