Friday, October 30, 2015

In the Silence

I've been fairly offline for writing lately.

The truth is, I have very little to say that isn't directly linked to how our family is being affected by Buddy's neuro-atypicalness.  It's not that I'm completely inward focused, though that is a daily battle, it's more that it is so all-encompasing that  it is what my mind focuses on even in 'down' times.

It's things like making sure I have the correct things on our visual schedule, and hoping even those things aren't too much for sensory-sensitive little Man. It's also making sure we have safety procedures in place for the girls should life (or things on the schedule) be too overwhelming.

But! In this silence, I've been writing on paper.  Not just writing, but practicing. I got Mastering Copperplate in the mail, along with a nibbed pen and ink. I've been practicing strokes and putting them together to form shaky letters. It's complicated enough that I don't think about strategies, but simple enough that I can supervise my girls playing play-dough or dolls.

This script is kind of like our life. When S and I first got married we knew some of the basic strokes of relationships and family, and we got to practice them before adding more complex elements. Once Buddy was added to the mix with had more things to practice, but there was also a healthy dose of play and give. With both of the girls we added more and more facets and possibilities, making our family even more challenging, but stunning and worth the work. As our family grows (in stature, not in number), the basics are down, the foundation mostly solid (though we do have to go back and practice things like communications), and God is the master penman of our family - adding the flourishes and complexities that, while dazzling to look at, are intricate and painstaking.

I can't wait to see what all of this silence adds up to.
xo,
J

soli deo gloria

Here's some of the process:





Monday, October 5, 2015

What Love Looks Like

Over the last few weeks, S and I have encountered what we have deemed to be in the top 3 of our worst weeks of our married life. The nutshell version : we're coming to realize the severity of  Buddy's needs, and how that looks physically, emotionally, and mentally.

For me, it has put me in an ultra vulnerable place where taking the next breath almost requires thought. This take-my-breath-away realizing is on-going and brutal.  It has forced us to our knees with only groans for prayers.

It has also made us stop sugar-coating to make it seem better in our own minds.  With this lack of sugar comes the ability to be honest and ask for help.  It is hard to ask for help. To admit that you cannot handle something on your own...ugh.  So hard.

This week, we talked to other people about what was going on, and the overwhelming response of wanting to know specifics of how to help...has also been breath taking. It also has deepened my understanding of what love looks like.

Today, love looks like:
- a meal cooked for us and delivered with paper plates, so we have no dishes to worry about
- a husband stopping just because, and carrying a latte in his hand, just for me!
- flowers in a mason jar
- life-giving, perspective enhancing phone calls with 'aunties'
- knowing people are praying specifically for us

Love is so much more than that, really, but God has been opening my eyes to how He works through His Body to shower us with love.


Have you felt love lately?

XO,
J


soli deo gloria